Latest Jokes

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies,
"Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says,
"Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill Clinton:
"Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill Clinton replies,
"Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says,
"Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
God then addresses Bill Gates:
"Bill Gates, what do you believe in?"
Bill Gates says,
"I believe you're in my chair."
God Jokes
Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Men jokes
Lost In The Desert
There’s this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks.
One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep.
The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health.
Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town.
On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, “Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?”
The missionary says, “Sure but there is a special thing about this horse.
You have to say ‘Thank God’ to make it go and ‘Amen’ to make it stop.”
Not paying much attention, the man says, “Sure, ok.”
So, he gets on the horse and says, “Thank God” and the horse starts walking. Then he says, “Thank God, Thank God, ” and the horse starts trotting.
Feeling really brave, the man say, “Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God” and the horse just literally takes off.
Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he’s doing everything he can to make the horse stop. “Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!”
Finally he remembers, “AMEN!!”
The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff.
The man leans back in the saddle and says, “Thank God”.
Religion jokes God Jokes Men jokes
Two friends went for an interview for the same job. One was educated and the other wasn't, so they agreed to help each other. They agreed that the educated one would go first and when he was done, he would give the other the answers to all the questions. The first guy's interview started:
Qn 1:
"When was Tanzania's independence?"
Guy 1:
"It was supposed to be 1960 but it was postponed to 1961 due to many reasons."
Qn 2:
"Who brought independence to Tanzania?"
Guy 1:
"So many participated but it was Mwalimu Nyerere who finalized it."
Qn 3:
"It's believed that in planet Mars, there is life... is it true?"
Guy 1:
"So many people say so, but it has not been scientifically proven."
When he left the interview room, he went straight to his uneducated friend and gave him all the answers. Second guy's interview also started:
Qn 1:
"When were you born?"
Guy 2:
"It was supposed to be 1960 but it was postponed to 1961."
Qn 2:
"What!! Who is your father?"
Guy 2:
"So many participated but it was Mr. Nyere who finalized it."
Qn 3:
"Oh My! Are u CRAZY???"
Guy 2:
"So many say so but it has not been scientifically proven!"
Office and Work Jokes Friendship Jokes
Men jokes Friendship Jokes
Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes
There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons.
The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner.
The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a рот high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high рот and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
Food Jokes
Men are just happier people
Nicknames
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fат Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
Eating out
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it’s only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
Bathrooms
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
Arguments
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Future
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Success
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Marriage
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
Dressing up
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Natural
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Offspring
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought for the day
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Jokes about Women Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Fat Jokes Sexist Jokes