Latest Jokes

A fourth-grade teacher is doing a science lesson and asks all the children to perform an experiment of their own choosing. After the children have been busy for a few minutes, she gets to the desk of little Johnny. Johnny has a spider on his desk and she asks what he is doing. …

“Well Miss, the spider’s name is Herbert and watch this.” Johnny then bends down to the spider and whispers “Run, Herbert, Run” and the spider, as if by magic, moves across the desk. The teacher is a little mystified. Johnny then gets a hold of the spider and removes one leg. The teacher is taken aback but lets the experiment continue. Johnny again whispers “Run, Herbert, Run” and the spider, as if by magic, moves across the desk. Johnny then gets a hold of the spider and removes another 2 legs and repeats the experiment. “Run, Herbert, Run” and the spider does continue to move across the desk, a in a somewhat limp fashion. By this time the teacher is getting a little concerned.
The experiment continues in the same vein until Herbert, the spider, has one leg left (the teacher at this point is totally mortified). Little Johnny then bends down to the spider and again removes the last leg so that Herbert is now just a blob and again he whispers “Run, Herbert, Run” but Herbert doesn’t move. He repeats the command again but a little bit louder. After several attemps, Johnny is now shouting at the spider “Run, Herbert, Run” but still no movement. Johnny then looks at the teacher and she asks “Well, Johnny, an interesting experiment, but what are you trying to prove with it?”
Little Johnny replies, “Well, Miss, spiders with no legs are deaf”
And regardless of the fact that in this country, certainly in the arts, we treat comedy as a second-class citizen, I’ve never thought of it that way. I’ve always thought it to be important. The last time I looked, the Greeks were holding up two masks. I’ve always thought of it not only as having equal value, but as the craft of it, being funny.
Jeff Daniels
Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they’re down, and when they’re having a good time, I can carry on the joke.
John Krasinski
I direct with energy. I believe in energy. I think energy is an electric thing in actors. I try to inspire, encourage, and make choices with lots of energy. And truth. I’m big fаn of truth and being funny. I like leading 50 people into battle every day.
Matthew Lillard
I got a lot of support from my parents. That’s the one thing I always appreciated. They didn’t tell me I was being sтuрid; they told me I was being funny.
Jim Carrey
I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be rетаrdеd, and jumping around with a deformed hand.
Leonardo DiCaprio
I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny.
Nora Dunn
I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.
Woody Allen
I think you figure out how to be funny by necessity. It’s not a natural thing, being funny in the face of tragedy is kind of demented.
Julie Brown
I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don’t know. I mean, how can you tell?
Andy Warhol
I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things.
Todd Barry
I’d rather not have a moment when I’m known for my looks; being funny and interesting lasts longer.
Kelly Ripa
Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you’re interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.
Dave Chappelle
The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I’ve given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.
Gilbert Gottfried
Thing is, I’m a funny actor, but I’m not good at being funny. I’m going to ramble for a second: I’m an actor who can make things funny in the moment, like in stakes or in circumstances or out of character.
Matthew Lillard
To all the girls out there who think being funny is not sеxy, you are wrong!
Chad Michael Murray
When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn’t about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.
Paul Merton