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Latest Jokes

Two young men applied for an engineering job. Both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, they missed only one question.
The manager went up to one of the guys and said,
"Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant."
The engineer said,
"But why, we both got nine questions right?"
The manager said,
"We made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one you missed."
The engineer asked,
"And how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
The manager replied, "Simple, the other engineer put down on question number five, 'I don't know,' you put down, 'neither do I'."

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School Jokes Men jokes

The following conversation took place between a mother and daughter.
Daughter:
“Mum, am I ugly?”
Mum:
“I told you not to call me mum in public.”

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Relationship Jokes

When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sеx, not the whole entire relationship…

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Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes Relationship Jokes

The police came over to my house last night after me and my wife had an argument. I said “Officer there’s no reason for you to be here tonight, I’ve already tasered her.”

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Relationship Jokes

Husband: Ваве, after work I had an accident. Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, multiple fасiаl injuries. Also, they will have to amputate my right leg.
Wife: Who is Sabrina?

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Office and Work Jokes Relationship Jokes

Sam and Abe, now in their late seventies, first met in the second grade in a school on the lower East Side of New York. Their relationship now is one of playing pinochle, playing jokes and making bets.
Sam calls Abe and says, “I got a bet for you: I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars!” Abe says, “How can that be? If you knew anything about biology, you …”
Sam interrupts, “I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard, …one thousand dollars, …yes or no!!”
Abe says, “Okay, okay, I’ll take your bet! How long is yours soft?”
Sam says, “Eleven years!”

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School Jokes Old People Jokes Relationship Jokes

I tried to drown my troubles the other night but the wife doesn’t like swimming.

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Relationship Jokes

Never, NEVER, NEVER make your girlfriend mad...
They can remember stuff that that hasn't even happened yet!

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Relationship Jokes

The following conversation took place between a wife and husband on a Saturday night.
Husband:
“Get your coat I’m going down the pub.”
Wife:
“It’s about time you took me out for a drink somewhere.”
Husband:
“fuск off, you’re staying here. I was just gonna turn off the central heating to save money.”

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Money jokes Relationship Jokes

The following conversation took place at a flower shop.
Customer: Hi I’m looking for some flowers for my girlfriend.
Shop owner: What do you want?
Customer: Some sеx…

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Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

Three reasons why my wife is like a computer.
1. She’s good at remembering credit card details.
2. She knows everything about every subject.
3. She always complains about having a virus whenever you try and do anything dirтy with her.

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Relationship Jokes

Did you hear about that new device that can make your car 95% quieter? It fits straight over your wife’s mouth.

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Relationship Jokes

I saw a horrific crash in Bradford yesterday literally metres from where I was standing waiting for a bus.
A wagon mounted the pavement and smashed into the entrance of a mosque killing 24 Muslims and critically injuring at least another 40.
I thought to myself, “Wow That could’ve been me!!”
But then I remembered. I don’t have an HGV licence.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Q. What do snooker ваlls and people who claim benefits have in common?
A. Most of them are non-white.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

After making love to my Japanese girlfriend, I happened to remark that her fаnny was getting a bit baggy.
She lost the plot and screamed at me “for fuскs sake, you always clittysizing”.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Awards host: And the winner for the suicide bomber of the year. I'm afraid he can't be with us tonight

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

What is the difference between the bird flu and the swinе flu?
For the bird flu you get tweetment and for the swinе flu you receive oinkment.

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Jokes

I'm trying to think of a Miley Cyrus joke but its not twerking.

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Jokes

Kid- Can I use the restroom?
Teacher- May I use the restroom!
Kid- Hey I asked first!

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Kids Jokes

He's so far in the closet, he can see Narnia.

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Jokes