Newest jokes - Page 139

Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Boy: "Really?"
Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"

33 0

Drug test?
What kind of drugs are we testing?

66 0

Drug Jokes

One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery.
When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?”
Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me.
However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”

34 0

Pet Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Baby Jokes Dog jokes

A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out.
One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time.
In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he d continue searching for a while.
Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him.
"However did you find him?" asked Father Skunk.
"In-stinct," replied Out.

27 0

Parent Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

Jimmy is calling Sergey, who he met at an international conference.
Jimmy: "Hi, I've hear there is minus 54 degrees Celsius."
Sergey: "Nonsense, not even minus 15!"
Jimmy: "But on CNN, they've just shown a thermometer..."
Sergey: "Ohh, ok, maybe outside."

65 0

Russian Jokes Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Phone jokes

What is the perfect Father's Day gift?
Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.

31 0

Father's Day Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Make My Day Laughs

I'm going to watch my wedding video later "backwards".
I love the end bit when she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle and jumps in the car.

32 0

Wedding jokes Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Love Jokes

A crab walks into a bar and asks for something to drink.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we do not serve food."

0 0

Food Jokes Animal Jokes

How to Impress a Woman:
compliment her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
listen to her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her.
How to Impress a Man:
show up nакеd,
bring вееr.

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes Beer Jokes

Only 3 things that are infinite
1.Human Stupidity
2.Universe
3.WinRar Trial

32 0

Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Stupid Jokes

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

0 0

Military Jokes Office and Work Jokes Single People Jokes

Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."

32 0

Sports Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."
She shrugs and walks away.
Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."

33 0

Cheating Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

1 0

Coronavirus Jokes

Yo mama's so poor when I went to her house and asked to use the bathroom, she said "Two trees to your left."

32 0

Yo Momma Jokes

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!

0 0

School Jokes

A man is driving his eighteen wheeler down the road, when he sees a hitch hiker.
So the trucker stops and picks up the man.
While they are driving down the road, the trucker says "Hey man, you wanna see something pretty cool?"
The hitch hiker says sure.
So the trucker has this monkey in the back, and he makes it come up with the men, and he smacks the monkey up side his head, and the monkey gives him a вlоw job.
So after that, the trucker says "Hey man, do you want some of that?"
And the hitch hiker says "Sure, but just don't smack me so hard."

33 0

Dirty jokes Men jokes

The Titanic didn't sink by an ice burg, Chuck Norris was doing the back sтrоке across the Atlantic.

32 0

Chuck Norris Jokes

A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party:
"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer.
"What do you do?"
The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same.
Let me give you an example.
The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."

32 0

Lawyer Jokes Political Jokes

So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob.
"Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work."
"Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday."
So I call him on his cell.
"What gives, bro,?" I ask.
"Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes."
I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty вееr."
"Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to сrаск open a cold one myself."

63 0

Friendship Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Beer Jokes

Latest Jokes