Newest jokes - Page 159

As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, "You have any a problem, you come and see Mama."
Later, Marol's husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!"
Mama reassures Marol, "Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy."
But when Marol's husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!"
Mama reassures her, "He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy."
Finally, Marol's husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother's room, shouting, "Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!"
Her mother gets up and announces, "Stand back, Marol - this is a job for Mama!"

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Vat Vas Dat Agin?
Helga hangs the wash out to dry, then goes downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.
"Gootness, iss hot," she says as the sun beats down on her. She passes by a tavern and says, "Vy nought?" So she sits at the bar.
"Bartender," she says. "I vill have unt cold вееr, please."
The bartender asks, "Anheuser Busch?"
"Vell, fine, tanks," she says, "Just ah leetle svetty."

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Nationality Jokes Beer Jokes

A Jewish guy's mother gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one.
As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What - you didn't like the other one?"

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Nationality Jokes

We have so many nationalities.
It's gotten to the point now that you can go into any fast food place, and you can find out what kind of neighborhood you're in just by the ethnic group that works there. It's like, if Chinese people work there, you're in a Chinese neighborhood; if black people work there, you're in a black neighborhood; if white people work there, then you're in Utah.

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Office and Work Jokes Nationality Jokes Food Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Q: What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
A: Roberto.

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Nationality Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Italian Jokes

I thought I was real racist because I was liking those black men - so black that if you looked at a picture of them, it looks like a negative.

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Nationality Jokes

You know, wherever there are black folks in a group, white people have to show up because they're scared we're going to do something without them.

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Nationality Jokes

Three Englishmen drink in a bar and spot an Irishman in the corner.
The first Englishman starts to taunt the Irishman, "Did you know that St. Patrick was a sissy?"
"Oh, no, I didn't know that. Thank you."
The second Englishman yells, "Did you know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?"
"Oh, no, I didn't know that. Thank you."
The third Englishman yells, "Did you know that St. Patrick was an Englishman?"
"Oh, no. But that's what your friends have been trying to tell me."

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Nationality Jokes Irish jokes St. Patrick's Day jokes

My last girlfriend wanted me to talk dirтy to her in the bed.
I'm no wildman in the sack. Don't let the glasses and the hip threads fool you. I had a hard time with the degrading, profane language because I was raised a proverbial nice, Jewish boy. So this is how I would talk dirтy to her - it's embarrassing - 'You really like my schmeckle, don't you? I am gonna schtupp you so hard. Don't make me stick it in your tushie.'

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Nationality Jokes

A businessman is seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman on a plane.
After they exchange brief hellos, he notices she is reading a manual of sеxuаl statistics. He asks her about it, and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It says that Native Americans have the longest average реnis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Тоnто Kowalski - nice to meet you."

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Nationality Jokes American Jokes

Signs It's a Bad Day:
- You wake up on pavement.
- You can't find the clothes you wore home from the party.
- Your twin forgets your birthday.
- You wake up to discover your waterbed broke, and then remember you don't have a waterbed.
- You wake up with your mouth guard stuck, and then remember you don't wear a mouth guard.
- Your blind date turns out to be your ex-husband.
- You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
- Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George

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Nationality Jokes

Q: How do you sink a Polish ship?
A: Put it in water.

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Nationality Jokes

Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A: Quatro sinko.

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Nationality Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Shortly after having her ninth baby, an Irish Catholic woman runs into her parish priest.
He congratulates her on the new offspring and says, "Nine children is certainly a full house."
"Well," she replies, "I don't know how I get pregnant so often. It must be something in the air."
"Yes," says the priest, "your legs."

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Nationality Jokes Priest Jokes

A black man start losing his hair, what'd he do?
Just cut it all off - pow! - Montel Williams in the house! White man start losing his hair, what'd he do? Take the hair from the side and fold it over the top. Black man ain't going out like that.

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Nationality Jokes

I'm tired of people saying all black people look alike.
We don't all look alike. Ain't it funny how they always say we all look alike until we go cash a check? Then we don't look like nobody.

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Nationality Jokes

You seen white people goin, 'Oh, how ya doin', Bob?
Ah, no I.D. with me today. No, I forgot my I.D. Just go ahead -$5,000.' Brothers be at the bank - he's got his birth certificate, social security card, his lotto tickets, his pictures his kid drew, and they're still over in the back going, 'I don't think that's him. I'll tell you what, give him $28.'

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Nationality Jokes Banker Jokes

They don't treat the black people right.
In our neighborhoods, they don't have banks - they have check cashing.

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Nationality Jokes Banker Jokes

Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food?
A: Gaelic breath.

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Nationality Jokes Food Jokes

As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations.
Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite. To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to the Russian game of roulette. He produced an antique Soviet revolver, and a single bullet. It took a while, but he was finally able to explain the gist of the game to Umballa. Intrigued and excited, Umballa loved the game. By the time the U.N. meeting was over, the two had become fast friends. As they parted company at the airport, Umballa told Vladimir, ''One day, you must visit my country, and try our version of your roulette.'' A year later, Vladimir was in Zambia, and looked up his old friend. Umballa remembered him, and welcomed him with open arms. ''I have come, my comrade, to try your game.'' ''Very well. Come with me.'' Umballa took his friend before six, buck-nакеd bush women. ''Pick one. Any one. And she will give you a вlоwjов.'' ''But my friend, where is the danger in this?'' Umballa replied with a toothy smile, ''One of them is a cannibal.''

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