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Latest Jokes

A man taking a woman home after their first date asks if he can come inside of a cup of coffee. “Oh, no,” she says, “I never ask a guy in on the first date.”
“Okay,” the man replies, “how about the last date?”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A woman arrives at the and meets Sаinт Peter. She says,
"I was supposed to look up my husband when I got here."
Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?"
She answers, "Smith."
Saint Peter replies,
"I've got hundreds of thousands of Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She responds, "His name is John Smith."
Saint Peter says,
"I got thousands of John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She answers, "He's got red hair."
Saint Peter replies,
"I have hundreds of red haired John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She responds, "Well, he told me to always remain faithful to his memory, or else he'd roll over in his grave!"
Saint Peter says,
"Oh, you mean Pinwheel Smith!"

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Jokes about Women

Many times do you have to tickle a squid to Make it laugh? Ten tickles ! Lol

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Animal Jokes

If an elephant has a trunk, then just where is his glove compartment?

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Animal Jokes

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a sтuрid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that sтuрid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still mess on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there...
13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
14. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle ...
15. Poodle: I'll just вlоw in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer:
"Dogs do not change light bulbs. HUmans change light bulbs.

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Animal Jokes

I was reading that dogs can successfully sniff out cancer in humans.
Now I’m worried that I’ve got testicular cancer.

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Animal Jokes

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of кill it. ….
….
We went out and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

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Animal Jokes

The nuns had been getting very restless in the convent, and the Mother Superior called a meeting to ask what was wrong. …
One of the young novices said boldly, “What we need are some men around here!”
…
Needless to say, the Mother Superior was shocked.
…
Another nun added, “It’s only human nature.”
The Mother Superior thought for a moment, then said,”Alright, sisters, I’ll issue extra candles. You can comfort yourselves with them.”
“No, no,” The nuns cried, “We’ve already tried those.”
…
The mother Superior was indignant. “They were good enough for me when I was young.” …
…
“You don’t understand,” said the outspoken nun, “We get tired of the same thing, wick in and wick out.”

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Religion jokes Men jokes

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on pick-up lines.
The librarian replies, “It’s in my house, if you want to come over and collect it.”

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Men jokes

Definition of Wisdom: The thing that happens when you run out of sтuрid ideas.

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Jokes

My granddad died peacefully in his sleep last night. Unfortunately the passengers on his bus all died screaming.

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Jokes

How is today Monday? It was Friday only a few hours ago…

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Jokes

Did you hear about the calendar thief?
He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!

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Jokes

Saying "Oh ,Yeah I get it" just so the teacher walks away

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Jokes

If you’re doing Stand-Up Comedy, here’s some Advice: ….
…..
Menstruation jokes aren’t funny… Period.

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Jokes

Banta’s driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls.
He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.
When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and there’s hardly standing room anywhere.
Banta scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up.
When he gets to the top, he discovers that all the doors are locked.
All but one. When he opens the door, all he sees is a big hole in the floor. Desperate, he drops his pants and dumps the biggest load he’s ever had right there in the hole.
Relieved, he calmly walks down the stairs. The once crowded barroom is completely empty, not a soul was in sight. Slowly, a bartender rises from behind the bar.
“What happened!?!” says Banta.
The bartender responds “Where were you when the shiт hit the fаn?!”

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Jokes

Name the five great kings that have brought happiness in to peoples lives?
Drinking Licking suскing f*cking and wanking. adam beechey

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Dirty jokes

Might I integrate your curves tonight?

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Dirty jokes

Just been thrown out of the marines for sexually assaulting someone during martial arts training. Apparently the Sergent told us to fight ‘hand-to-hand’ not ‘hand-to-gland’.

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Dirty jokes

What do you call a рrоsтiтuте that likes fishing?
A Ноокеr!

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Dirty jokes