Newest jokes - Page 207

Drivers Education Exam Answers:
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't кill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your steering wheel.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

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Car and driving jokes

Q: Why did the blonde take a right into the ditch?
A: Her blinker was on.

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

Two guys get pulled over while drinking and driving.
The driver tells his friend, "Peel the labels off these вееr bottles, and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Now, shove all of the bottles under the front seat. Just let me do all the talking."
The cop walks up and shines his flashlight into the car. "Have you been drinking?" he asks.
"No, sir," the drunк answers. "We haven't had a thing to drink tonight."
"Then what on earth are those вееr labels doing on your foreheads?"
"We're both alcoholics," says the drunк. "We're on the patch."

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Car and driving jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes Beer Jokes

Classic Воотy Call... Curves:
All those curves, and me with no brakes.

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Car and driving jokes

A blonde sees a flier on a bulletin board that reads, "Cruise - Only $5."
She goes to the address on the flier and hands the receptionist $5. The receptionist nods to a burly man reading a newspaper. He walks over to the blonde and knocks her unconscious.The blonde wakes up tied to a log floating down river. To her right, she sees one of her blonde friends. "Do you think they're going to serve food on this trip?" she asks. Her friend replies, "They didn't last year."

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

Classic Воотy Call... Airport:
Is there an airport nearby, or is that my heart taking off?

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Car and driving jokes Aviation Jokes

Children in the backseat can cause accidents.
Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

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Car and driving jokes Kids Jokes Sex Jokes

Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Las Vegas?
A: When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers.

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Car and driving jokes

A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Scottish Jokes Priest Jokes

A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"
The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Dog jokes

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he'll give him a free вееr for an amazing trick. The bartender agrees. The guy pulls out a hamster that begins dancing and singing.
"That is amazing!" says the bartender and gives him a вееr.
"If I show you something else, will you give me another вееr?" The bartender agrees.
The guy pulls out a small piano and a frog. The same hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings.
The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another вееr.
A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a large sum, and the man agrees.
"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."
"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.
The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.
The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."
The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back, either."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog. He stands in the center of the bar, takes the dog by the chain, and starts swinging him above his head.
Everyone stops and stares. Upset about the way the animal is being treated, a patron runs up to the blind man and demands, "What the hеll are you doing?"
The blind man turns toward the patron and says, "Oh, nothing, just looking around."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Dog jokes

A guy walks into a bar looking frustrated. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"
The guy replies, "Well I've got these two horses and I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."
The bartender suggests, "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"
The guy says, "That sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."
A few months later, he returns to the bar in worse condition. "I shaved the tail of one of the horses, but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"
The bartender says, "Why don't you try shaving the mane?"
A few months later the guy is back. "I shaved the mane of one of the horses, but it grew back!"
The bartender yells, "Just measure the dамn horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The guy storms out of the bar.
The next day, the guy runs into the bar. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses, and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had."
The bartender asks, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Money jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a вееr. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't give вееr to bears in bars."
The bear replies, "If you don't give me a вееr, I'll eat that lady over there."
The bartender says, "Go ahead."
So the bear eats the lady and asks for a вееr. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't give вееr to bears on drugs."
"What do mean," asks the bear. "I'm not on drugs."
"Yes, you are, that was the bar вiтсh you ate."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."
The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips."
The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Dog jokes

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a вееr. He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another вееr. He chugs that вееr, looks into his pocket and asks for another.
The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, "How come you ask for a вееr, chug it, then look in your pocket?"
The man says, "Because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I'm gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough for me to go home."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes

A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head. The barman asks, "Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?"
The man replies, "It's a family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday."
The barman remarks, "But it's Wednesday."
Sheepishly, the man says, "Man, I must look like a real fool."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm. "A pint of Guinness for me and the cheese sandwich," he says to the barman.
"I'm sorry, sir," replies the barman, "we don't serve food in here."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

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