Newest jokes - Page 208

A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman sit in a pub and discuss the best pubs around.
The Englishman says, "There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every one that you buy."
The Scot is not impressed and says, "That's nothing! In the Highlands, every time you buy a drink, the landlord buys you five."
The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says, "That's nothing. In Dublin there's this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all night, and then when the bar closes, he takes you into a room and makes love to you."
The Scot and Englishman are well impressed and ask if the Irishman goes there a lot. He replies "No, but my sister told me all about it."

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Car and driving jokes

Four blondes drive to a bar in their old pickup truck. Three sit in the cab, and one sits in the bed of the truck.The three blondes go into the bar and order a round of shots. Almost an hour later, the fourth blonde finally joins them. "Where have you been?" they ask.
She responds, "Well, you all forgot to open the tailgate!"

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

Loser Воотy Call... Bus Pass:
Want to get out of this place? I've got an hour left before my bus pass expires.

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Car and driving jokes

Q: How many people can you fit in one Honda?
A: Well, the Bible said that all 12 disciples were in one Accord.

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Car and driving jokes Bible Jokes Catholic Jokes

A farmer is in the middle of plowing his field when his tractor runs out of gas. He needs to get back to the farm, but it's too far for him and his dog, Old Joe, to walk.
He wanders out to the road and flags down a sports car. The driver says, "I'll give you a ride, but that dog can't get in my car."
The farmer says, "Don't worry. Old Joe will keep up."
The driver decides to show off and open up the engine for max speed. Just as he's going into fifth gear, he looks out the window and sees Old Joe right beside him. In amazement, he slams on the brakes and Old Joe comes to a halt.
The driver jumps out, exclaiming, "He's the most incredible dog I've ever seen! Is there something special about that collar he's wearing?"
The farmer shakes his head and says, "That's not a collar. That's his a**hole. He's not used to stopping that fast."

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Car and driving jokes Dog jokes

I got to Flagstaff, Arizona, and I asked the guy at the hotel, 'Excuse me, where can I find the black community?
' 'Oh, well he's on vacation this week. We'll tell him you stopped by.'

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Car and driving jokes Hotel Jokes

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
They went back and forth until they stopped for lunch. At the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?"
The guy leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

She is so blonde that when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice.

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: It's too far to walk.

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Car and driving jokes Animal Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A blonde buys a used sports car. However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop. The blonde calls a tow truck. The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again.
"What was the matter?" she asks.
"Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies.
Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"

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Car and driving jokes Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Sports Jokes Blonde Jokes

A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.
The e-mail reads:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.

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Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding and asks her for her license."You cops should get it together," she said. "One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it to you."

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1,000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1,000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2,000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3,000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground. The instructor ran to where she crashed and pulled her out of the helicopter. He asked her, "What went wrong?"
The blonde said, "At 2,500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fаn off."

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Car go Beep Beep!

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Car and driving jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Knock-knock jokes

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: She's a woman.

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Car and driving jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Helen Keller Jokes

Q: What invention did a blonde come up with that didn't pass the patent board?
A: Ejection seats in helicopters.

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

A gentleman sits next to a priest on an airplane. He sees the priest doing a crossword puzzle.
Time passes and the priest says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know a four letter word that describes a woman and ends in 'u-n-t'?"
The gentleman thinks about this and finally says, "I believe the word you're looking for is 'aunt.'"
The priest replies, "Oh, you're right. That fits, too. Would you happen to have an eraser?"

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Car and driving jokes Aviation Jokes Priest Jokes

Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii."
They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii."
"Thank you," says the satisfied first man.
"You're velcome," replies the passerby.

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Car and driving jokes

Q: Why does the blonde keep a wire coat hanger in the backseat of her car?
A: In case she locks her keys inside.

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake?
A: "Must be an earthquake."

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Aviation Jokes

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