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Latest Jokes

Logic says the sсrеw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it’s under the couch in the other room.

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Science jokes

I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.

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Political Jokes

I got $20 from a blind homeless man on the street today! …
He had this tin can full of money, and was just holding it in front of my face. What a friendly guy.

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Money jokes Men jokes Masturbation jokes Friendship Jokes

I was minding my own business in the pub last night when a man came over to me and said, “You look like a рооf.”
I was so outraged I immediately challenged him to a dance off.

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Men jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost after he saw her all dressed up for Halloween?
You look boo-tiful!

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One-Liner Jokes Halloween Jokes

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer’s cannibalism?
This isn’t ketchup

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Cannibal Jokes

Herm is 85 years old and retired.
He gets a checkup with his physician.
A week or so afteward the doc sees Herm strolling the boardwalk with his arm around a beautiful, comely young female.
The doctor stops him and asks, “Herm, you must be feeling terrific, yes?”
Herman says, “Just following orders, Doc. You told me to get a hot mama and be cheerful."
The physician exclaims, “Herm, that's not what I told you!
I said, ‘Your heart's got a murmur.
Be careful.’”

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes

Seamus went to his Doctor for a physical, complaining about his sеx life. The Doc told Seamus that he needed exercise and to walk ten miles a day, then call him on the phone in seven days. … A week later, the Irishman telephoned his Doctor:
“How’s your sеx life?” inquired the Doc.
“What sеx life?” blurted Seamus. “I’m seventy miles from home.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Irish jokes

A man looking for a job."... And remember we are very keen about clenliness. Did you wipe your shoes before entering” asked the manager. "Oh, yes sir."
Replied the man. The manager narrowed his eyes and said, “We are also very keen about the truth. There is no mat."

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Men jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

Hot Shot Rookie A rookie patrol officer stopped a car for speeding.
The driver asked,
"Gee officer can't you just give me a warning"?
The officer said,"Sure".
He stepped back, drew his .357 magnum and fired a shot across the hood of the car.
"Anything else?" said the rookie.

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
One says,
"Spit out your gum," and the other says,
"Choo choo choo!"

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School Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

You: Say “addicted” after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you’re obsessed with candy you are…?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you’re obsessed with drugs you are…?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted… laughs
(It’s supposed to sound like “A diск did”)

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Drug Jokes

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

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One-Liner Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

My pal ased me why no body wants to eat the spaghetti he make in his restaurent
Welp,because it’s impastable

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Waiter Jokes

My "it's cold outside" post just went viral on Facebook.

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Facebook Jokes Life Jokes

Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Christmas Jokes Food Jokes

MAN: I'm so sorry the marriage didn't work out.
WOMAN: It's okay, we can still be cousins.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Redneck jokes

Two protons walk into the bar and run into each other.
One of them falls down.
"Are you OK?" asks the other.
"I think so," says the proton.
"You sure?" the other asks.
"Yeah," says the proton..."I'm positive."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Wonder why the British are so good at chess?
They have the queen.
Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess?
They lost two towers.

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Dark Humor Jokes USA Jokes American Jokes

Why do black widow spiders кill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

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Men jokes Animal Jokes