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Latest Jokes

They say milk gives you strength. Drink 10 glasses of milk and try to move a wall. You cant.
Drink 10 shots of Vоdка and it moves by itself.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Q. How does E. T have an advantage over orphans
A. E. T can actually phone home

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Phone jokes

Bully: nobody loves you
Me: aww it must have hurt when your mom told you that.

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Food Jokes

I named my dog 5 miles so when I walk him I can say I walked 5 miles
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles

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I went back home last week and happened to see one of my old teachers, Mrs. Turtle.
She was a bit odd, but tortoise well.

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One-Liner Jokes

If a concrete curb is cool to sit on, it's because it's a вuтт mint.

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One-Liner Jokes

How do they clone dead royalty?

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One-Liner Jokes

For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count

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Christmas Jokes

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?
Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

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Christmas Jokes

From my dad: What do you get when a торlеss blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a торlеss brunette?
Your camera.

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Blonde Jokes

I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban...
I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

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Military Jokes

Student: Are well and actually both one syllable words
Teacher: Well yes , but actually no

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School Jokes

I got voted “Least Likely To Succeed” by my high school class...
I hate being a teacher...

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School Jokes

Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters
Teacher: Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters
Me: They aren't Silent, They are waiting their turn

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School Jokes

A black hole walks into a bar
A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.
The black hole says,
"No thanks, I'm a light eater."

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Food Jokes

Being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job
But at least it puts food on the table

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Food Jokes

These times are harder on people with disabilities.
My dwarf friend is struggling to put food on the table

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Food Jokes

What food makes women stop giving вlоw jobs?
Wedding cake

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Food Jokes

If my wife made a dollar for every sexist joke I make
She'd be $.77 richer right now

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Sexist Jokes

If there's anything my wife has taught me about being sexist,
It's probably wrong because she's a woman.

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Sexist Jokes