Latest Jokes

Four guys go golfing. One of them is held up in the country club with some accounts to settle, so he tells the others to start without him and he'll catch up.
The other three guys move on to the first hole and start talking about their kids.
The first man says, “I'm really proud of my son. He started off as a small realtor showing houses every day and working himself to death, but it paid off! Now he owns his own real estate business that has offices across the country. In fact, he’s done so well that he recently bought his friend a very nice house”.
The second man (not wanting to be outdone) instantly starts describing his son. “Well I am just beyond proud of my son. He started out as a car salesman and he worked every weekend and all the holidays, but boy did it pay off! He now owns car dealerships across the country. In fact, he has done so well recently that he bought his friend two very expensive cars”.
The third man then launches into a description of his son. “Ah well my son is just phenomenal and I could not possibly be more proud of him. He started off as a small stockbroker in a tiny company, but through perseverance and hard work he has become the biggest broker for Wall Street. In fact, he has done so well that recently he bought his friend a ton of stocks that are expected to dramatically increase in value; for sure his friend will be a very wealthy man in just a year or less!” At this point the fourth guy finally joins them and asks what he has missed. The other three explain that they have been talking about their kids and how proud they are of what their offspring have accomplished.
The last guy blatantly states, “I'm not really all that proud of my son. He's been a hairdresser for the last fifteen years and I recently found out that he is gаy…But he must be really good at what he does considering his last three boyfriends have bought him a house, two cars, and a bunch of great stocks”.
3 best friends decide to travel to an lonely little island somewhere near the Bahamas in the hopes of having a relaxing camping trip, for old time’s sake.
They arrive by water plane, and the pilot informs them that he’ll be returning to pick them up the next day. The men, happy to finally be alone start sunbathing, talking about their lives (most of the talk being complaints), and simply having a good time.
One of the guys decides, he wants to build a sandcastle, because, why the hеll not. He starts digging up some sand, and asks his best friends to help him out. They start digging, and finally, one of them exclaims:
“Guys! look! Its a lamp!” The guys looked at each other and instantly knew what to do: all three of them simultaneously gave the lamp three rubs.
Suddenly *рооf* a genie came out of the bottle! The three guys felt like this trip just couldn’t get any better.
The genie, in the most Will Smith voice possible says:
“you three, you have freed me! I shall give each one of you three wishes as a sign of my gratitude!” The first guy instantly responds:
“i want health for myself, and my entire family.” And the genie grants his wish.
The second guy responds:
“i want the same thing, seems like a good idea. However, if you could add upon that that all current illnesses, genetic or otherwise would disappear, it would be great.” The genie replies “yeahhh sure” and *рооf* his wish is granted The third guy said he needed a while to think. After about 30 minutes, he exclaimed:
“ive got it! I want my right hand to spin clockwise until I die!” The genie, dumbfounded, asks “are you sure?” And the third man simply said “yes, 100%” and his wish was granted.
The first guy then said “its my turn again! I want to be wealthy enough to buy anything i’d ever want, and i want to see proof of it.” The genie granted his wish and *рооf* a phone appeared in his hand showing the first guy’s bank statement. $10 Billion dollars have been deposited on his bank account.
The second guy, agreeing to his logic, said “i also want money. But i’d rather have it in physical goods, like houses, or gold bars” *рооf* another phone appears showing a page with all the real estate and investments that the second guy now owned, all worth around 10 billion dollars too.
The third guy, having thought about this thoroughly throughout the last few minutes, simply said “i would like my left hand to spin counter-clockwise until i die” the genie thinks to himself, this man MUST have a plan with all this. And simply grants his wish.
Back to the first guy. He now wished for him, and all his loved ones to be immortal, and to stay at the age of 35 until they decide, on their own terms, that its time for them to leave this planet. The genie, granted his wish just like all the other ones before him.
The second guy, who we now know is the least creative of the bunch mutters nothing else but “same”. And the genie grants his wish too.
The third guy however, was still thinking. His left and right hand spinning in opposite directions he shouted:
“i want my head to rock back and forth as if i was on a rock concert until i die!” At this point the genie didn’t even care anymore and just said “aight man, whatever”.
The men, all happy with their wishes decided to meet up again in ten years to discuss their lives.
They met up in Monaco, one coming on his yacht, the second on his private jet, both with beautiful wives and kids, and sat down at a table in the most expensive restaurant in town. The third guy then arrived, his hands still spinning and his head still rocking back and forth, almost knocking over the table. He apologised and they began talking about their lives. The first and second guy are so happy with their new lives that they have tears streaming down their cheeks. They talked about the wonderful houses theyve built, the investments theyve made, and the vacations theyve had. Suddenly they realised that the third guy hasnt said a word. They ask him, “what about you? Hows your life? How did your wishes work out for you?” And he looks at them, a tear rolling down his eyelid and says “guys, i think i fuскеd up”