I entered ten puns into a pun contest I was hoping at least one would win, and in fact seven did. The prize was that they would be published in the local paper.
A week after they were published, I was contacted by a huge publisher that said they liked my puns so much that they offered to pay me an advance to write a book of puns!
The first book sold extremely well, and that cemented me as a world famous comedian and author. I had several Netflix specials as well as a couple world tours.
It was during one of those tours where I met my wife. It wasn't even during one of my acts. I was just waiting in line at a gelato stand and she struck up a conversation with me.
We had two beautiful children. The first, Michael, was a always curious about the world around him. He loved butterflies and wanted to work at the conservatory. Our second, Julia, was a real handful. She loved running around and hoped to make the national women's soccer team.
Unfortunately Michael was diagnosed with leukaemia when he was seven. He passed away two years later. Even now, forty years after he died, I think about him every day. We bought a plot of land on the butterfly conservatory grounds and planted a hedgerow where we spread his ashes. The butterflies love to land on the branches.
Julia never did make the women's soccer team. Instead, she got a career as a real estate agent and moved to rural Alaska. She made a good living selling huge tracts of land before she met her husband and moved back to our hometown to be closer to family.
My wife and I are nearing our deaths, now. My comedy days are long over. I get asked every now and then to make an appearance or do an interview. Why, just last week I was talking to another reporter who asked about how I got started in comedy.
Reporter: you've had quite a fascinating life. Would you say that everything has gone according to plan?
Me: Nope, unintended.
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