Newest jokes

Chuck Norris seasons his steaks with pepper spray.

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Chuck Norris can spread crunchy peanut butter on a slice of soft toast bread.

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Chuck Norris had a court appointment. But the judge didn't dare to show up.

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I saw an expiration day on an anti-aging cream. Now that’s just a scam!

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Little Petra asks her dad at breakfast time, “Daddy, can you please teach me how to make eggs?”
Dad shakes his head, “Nope.”
“But why daddy? I want to learn!“
The dad winks at her, “I can’t teach you how to make eggs because I’m not a hen.”

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I was a doctor for a while but then I quit. I simply didn’t have enough patience.

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Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke | Dad Jokes

Have you heard there was a kidnapping at the school?
[No]
But it’s fine now, the kid woke up again.

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I’ve never liked speed bumps much. But I’m getting over it slowly.

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Do you know the most important words that could open a lot of doors in your life?
Push and Pull.

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Why didn’t the Orange drive when the lights turned green again?
No juice!

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Two penguins meet. One says, “Jesus it is cold today."
The other hisses, “Shut up. Penguins can’t talk.”

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Two cows meet, one says,
"Mooooo!"
The other one is offended, "Hey, I just wanted to say that!"

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Cannibals aren’t very sociable. They’re all fed up with people.

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Cannibal Jokes | Dad Jokes

I wanted to wear my camouflage jeans today but I just couldn’t find them.

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Not even orcas dare attack an octopus.
It’s too well armed.

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Did you know that UPS and Fedex are going into a merger? They will be called Fed-Ups now.

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A single glance tells me if somebody is lying. It’s the fact that they’re horizontal that gives it away.

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Do you know how I embrace my mistakes?
I hug my wife and children.

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