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Latest Jokes

At a medical check-up:
- Do you do dangerous sports?
- Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Women. A weak and helpless being from whom nothing can protect you.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

“Fancy that, Bob, I bought my wife an amazing white gold necklace with a platinum pendant and she didn’t speak to me for a month!”
“Really?! What got her so upset?”
“Nothing, that was part of the deal.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Childhood is when you go to the toilet in the night and then you run back and jump in your bed, glad that the monster under the bed didn’t get you.
Adulthood is when the monster lies in the bed next to you.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

“I’ve had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I’m leaving you!”
“But honey, what about our child?”
“What child?!”
“Oh, so you’re not pregnant?”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

- Mommy, why are all the cars beeping their horns?
- Because there’s a wedding going on.
- But isn’t the horn a warning signal, Mommy?
- Exactly, son.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

My husband and I had very happy twenty years.
After that we met.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Do you know why only 30% of wives make it to heaven?
Because if there were more, it would be hеll instead.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirтy things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes

Despite protests, I put a high-voltage electric fence around my property.
My wife’s dead against it.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

A man and his wife have to go to a doctor. The doctor asks:
“Do you share the same blood group?”
The husband replies:
“We must by now. She’s been suскing my blood for years.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

A man noticed his credit card has been stolen - but he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

I got really angry with my sat nav today. I even yelled at it to go to hеll. 20 minutes later, it brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

- Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary?
- A trip to Thailand?
- Wow, that’s awesome, and for our 50th anniversary?
- Then I pick you up again.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Honey, do you think I gained weight?
No, I think the living room got smaller.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

– It’s our anniversary, dear. How do you suggest we celebrate it?
– With a minute of silence?

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Marriage and Family Jokes

A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mum answers, “The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

American scientists have finally found out what a woman wants.
Unfortunately, she changed her mind since then.

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Marriage and Family Jokes American Jokes

– We had a terrible row with my wife last night. But she crawled to me on her knees in the end.
– Wow – that’s really impressive! What did she say?!
– Come out from under that sofa, you filthy coward!

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: "Darling, why don’t you brew us some coffee?"
Wife looks confused: "But that's your task, honey."
“What? Why?”
"It’s all over the Bible, dearest."
The Bible says nothing about who’s supposed to be brewing coffee!"
The wife grabs hold of a copy and starts flipping pages at random: "See? Everywhere: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews."

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