Newest jokes

My mother urged me to attend a cooking class. She said:
“A man should know how to cook. It impresses the girls.”
After a few lessons, a very beautiful girl started chatting to me. One thing led to another – aaand we are very good friends now.

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My grandpa returned from the war with one leg.
He never said to whom it belonged.

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Magic is awesome. Do you know the name of the magical stick that makes men disappear?
The pregnancy stick.

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Two hunters are comparing their stories. One says, “I once shot a wild boar so big they had to come get it with a tractor!”
The other scoffs, “Ha, I once shot a bird so big, 357 people got out of it when it hit the ground.”

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Patient to his doctor:
“Doctor, please help me. I think I’m a moth.”
The doctor says:
“I’m sorry, but I’m not your guy. You have to go see a psychiatrist.”
The patient sighs:
“I wanted to. But the light in your office is so much brighter!”

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I saw an ad recently: LASER HAIR REMOVAL. But come on, if you had laser hair, would you really want to remove them? No, you’d be starting world dомinатiоn!

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Feeling adventurous? Go to a Walmart changing room and after five minutes start asking loudly where they keep the toilet paper!

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That awkward moment when you whisper in your boyfriend's ear that you want to feel him inside you and he sticks his finger in your nose.

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How many women were born in 2018?
None. Only baby girls and baby boys.“

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I tried one of those organic
Deodorant stick. It said in the instructions:
1. Remove the cap
2. Push thumb up the bottom part for application.
It is very difficult to sit but my farts smell very nice now.

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Grandpa’s last words will stay with me forever:
“Quit rattlin’ the ladder ya little hooligan!”

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If you wished to be discreet and inoffensive to the ladies of polite society, how would you write diarrhea? (CO(NH2)2)2Water said to oleic acid that they cannot be together. Oleic acid still thinks it is because she’s fат.

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Chemistry Jokes

I keep hearing that alcohol and driving should never go together, so what’s with the cars that run on ethanol?

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Chemistry Jokes

A nerdy chemist walks out of an examination and smugly announces to all her friends:
“It couldn’t have been more basic if it had pH -15!”

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Chemistry Jokes

What compound a pessimist cannot live without? Nitrous oxide!

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Chemistry Jokes

What amino acid is most favoured by pirates? Arrrrginine!

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Chemistry Jokes

H2O is just a shorter way to write HIJKLMNO.

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Chemistry Jokes

Hydrogen accosts oxygen:
“Hey you, you stole my electron!”
“No! Are you certain?!”
“I’m вlооdy positive!”

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Chemistry Jokes