Newest jokes - Page 52

Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.

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Dad, what happens if a соndом tear?
Look at yourself...

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Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No.".
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employees home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he is busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now startled.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The searching team just landed the hello-copper!"
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They are looking for me."

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Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Police Officer Jokes Boss Jokes

Chuck Norris once won a drag race with a unicycle.

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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!"
"Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."
"I also heard that you’ve been calling me fат?"
"Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are."
"I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his diск!"
"Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his diск!"

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Friendship Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Fat Jokes Ugly Jokes Coffee Jokes

Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised?
A: Because blonde men are dumb too.

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Blonde Jokes

"Hey what's up?"
"Nothing much.. converting Oxygen into Carbon dioxide."
"How the hеll do you do that?!"
"Breathing... Dude."

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Car and driving jokes Life Jokes

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Blonde Jokes

Yo Momma's so fат, when she goes to Taco Веll, they run for the border!

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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Fat Jokes

Your mom is so fат when she jumps all the oceans disappear.

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Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

Q:Why did the blonde have a triangular coffin?
A:Because as soon as her head hits a pillow she spreads her legs!

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Blonde Jokes

One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there."
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"
"No, you idiот," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."

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Fishing Jokes Sports Jokes God Jokes Boss Jokes

"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?"
"My name is Paul."

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Parent Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

A blonde's house is on fire.
She runs outside and yells, "Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!"
Someone else yells, "Call 911!"
The blonde yells back, "What's the number?"

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Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes Phone jokes

Two adventurers John and Jack were hunting for gold in the desert.
After roaming all day long under the hot sun, they set up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, John woke up his friend.
"Jack, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Jack looked up and replied, "I can see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asked John.
Jack thought for a minute and said.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
After a moment of silence, John spoke.
"It tells two things to me. First is that... you are an idiот."
Jack looked at John, surprised. "Why do you say so?" he said.
"Because it has still not occurred to you that someone has stolen our tent." replied John.

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Friendship Jokes Hunting Jokes Science jokes Stupid Jokes

An eminent doctor successfully attended a sick child.
A few days later, the grateful mother called on the physician.
After expressing her realization of the fact that his services had been of a sort that could not be fully paid for, she continued:
"But I hope you will accept as a token from me this purse which I myself have embroidered."
The physician replied very coldly to the effect that the fees of the physician must be paid in money, not merely in gratitude, and he added: "Presents maintain friendship: they do not maintain a family."
"What is your fee?" the woman inquired.
"Two hundred dollars," was the answer.
The woman opened the purse, and took from it five $100 bills.
She put back three, handed two to the discomfited physician, then took her departure.

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Friendship Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

I lost 125 pounds.
It took me a long time, and it cost me a lot of money, but I finally divorced the вiтсh!

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Divorce Jokes Money jokes

Q: What do you call a programmer from Finland?
A: Nerdic.

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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Nerd jokes

My teacher sends this Chinese kid out of the classroom cause she thought he was sleeping.

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Asian jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Knock-Knock
Who is there?
A long реnis with a nакеd head.
Come in please we were waiting for you.

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Knock-knock jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

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