Latest Jokes

One Day Sтuрid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.
Well, Sтuрid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station.
When they got there the chief asked them their names.
“Shut Up”, replied Shut Up.
“Sтuрid”, replied Sтuрid.
The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him sтuрid.
Which made him very mad.
“Excuse Me!” shouted the chief.
Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names.
“Shut Up!”
“Sтuрid!”
The police chief was very riled.
He then asked” Are you looking for trouble?”!!!
Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,”Why yes, how did you know?”
Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes Boss Jokes
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get underway.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.
Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle.
The copilot is using a guide dog.
Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke.
After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness.
They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking.
Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once.
At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"
Самолетът стои на пистата и се подготвя за излитане. A sala de espera estava lotada de passageiros para o vôo 171, da Gaivota's Airlines, que já estava meia hora atrasado. As aeromoças tentavam tranqüilizar os passageiros, dizendo que a equipe de vôo... All'aeroporto di Milano Malpensa, in una lunga fila di check-in di un volo Milano - New York, durante l'attesa, un passeggero nota una persona, con uniforme da pilota e con il tipico bastone bianco... Felszállás előtt a repülő utasai csodálkozva látják, hogy a kapitány egy vakvezető kutyával, fekete szemüvegben, fehér bottal botladozik a pilótafülke felé. Először mindenki arra gondol, hogy... Yolcular uçağın hemen yanı başında, bavullarını gösteriyorlar. Uçak şirketinin minibüsü yanaşmış, içinden kaptan pilot ile yardımcısı inmiş. Kaptan pilotun elinde bir beyaz baston, kolunda üç... A repülőgép lépcsőjén két pilóta egyenruhás ember lépdel fel, fekete szemüvegben, fehér bottal. Az utasok röhögése és szörnyülködése közepette elfoglalják helyüket a pilótafülkében. Végül az utasok... Na odlétací ploše letiště stojí letadlo a cestující se dívají na piloty, které vede slepecký pes, mají černé brýle a slepecké hole. „To je asi nějaká sranda,” šeptají si mezi sebou. Ale najednou... Two blind pilots enter a plane. They have sunglasses and white sticks. As the plane starts to move, the passengers are uncomfortable. The plane gains speed, but it stays on the ground. The... Two blind pilots get on a plane and walk right Through the main aisle, sporting white canes and dark shades. The passengers are mildly concerned but assume it’s all a joke. The plane starts taxiing... Σε μια από τις τακτικές πτήσεις μια αεροπορικής εταιρίας, οι επιβάτες έχουν ήδη επιβιβαστεί στο σκάφος και περιμένουν τους πιλότους να μπουν για να απογειωθούν. Τελικά ο κυβερνήτης και ο...
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Двама били заедно, на сутринта дамата пита: Анестезиолог The Doctor's Convention Von Beruf Anästhesist Ο καταδρομέας.. но отдыхе он и она толком не успели познакомиться, но уже оказались... Un homme et une femme se rencontrent dans un bar. Ils discutent un peu et puis comme cela arrive dans la vie, ils décident d'aller chez la femme. Срещат се двама в бара, хихо-хахо, айде на "кафе". A guy and a girl met at a bar. Утро. Южный приморский город. Курортный роман. Интеллигентная пара (за 40) проснувшись, принимает водные процедуры. Une femme et un homme font l'amour. Après l'acte sexuel, l'homme demande : C'est un séminaire médical. Au cours d'un des nombreux banquets prévus, un médecin homme repère un médecin femme. Ils font connaissance, et elle accepte un rendez-vous pour un dîner au restaurant en tête à tête. Au restaurant, avant de s'asseoir à la... De båda läkarna hade träffats på en kongress. Han var från Göteborg och hon var från Stockholm. De åt middag tillsammans och fortsatte i baren för att avsluta kvällen på hans hotellrum och i hans... W czasie stosunku siostra dyżurna mówi do lekarza dyżurnego: - Panie doktorze, pan to chyba jest anestezjolog! - Zgadza się, skąd pani to wie? - odparł lekarz. Na to siostra: - Bo nic nie czuję! Buen dentista Un chico y una chica se encuentran en un bar. Se llevan tan bien que deciden ir a un lugar más privado, al apartamento de ella. Un par de copas más tarde, el chico se quita la camisa... Two doctors are having s*x, he says to her, "You must be a surgeon, you washed your hands before and after." She replies, "Well you must be an anesthetist, because I didn't feel a f*cking thing!" De mødte hinanden på en bar og vågnede op i samme seng. Jeg ved hvad du laver sagde pigen, du er pædagog. Ja, men hvordan vidste du det? På dit lilla undertøj. Nå sagde han, så må du jo være... Due medici dopo un congresso scopano a letto. Alla fine lui dice: “Dall’abilita’ delle tue mani scommetto che sei ginecologa!”. Lei: “E tu anestesista!”. “Ma come fai a dirlo?”. Lei: “Non ho... Despues de hacer el amor ella le pregunta a el: - Papi tu eres anesteciologo?- El sorprendido dice: - Si,xq lo preguntas?- - Xq yo no senti un ****- Jajaja Efter sexualakten säger söta Sara: - Du Klas. Är du narkosläkare eller....? Klas: - Nej, hurså? Söta Sara: - Jag kände ju för fasen ingenting... Un couple a fait l'amour pour la première fois. Après tout ça, le mec demande à sa copine qui va se laver les mains : - Dis-moi, tu voudrais être infirmière plus tard ? - Non. Pourquoi ? - Parce... Nākamajā rītā pēc pirmās nakts. Viņa: ?Kāda īsti ir tava profesija?? Viņš: ?Anesteziologs.? Viņa: ?Tagad skaidrs, kāpēc es neko nejutu.? Σε ένα συνέδριο γιατρών ένας άντρας και μια γυναίκα κοιτάζονται επίμονα. Ο άντρας της προτείνει να πάνε για δείπνο και αυτή δέχεται. Στο εστιατόριο αυτή ζητάει συγγνώμη και πηγαίνει να πλύνει τα...
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70-годишен милионер при доктора: 80-летний старик приходит к доктору: - я на следующей неделе опять... Докторот: Ein 82-Jähriger kommt zum Doktor. Ein achtzigjähriger Mann erzählt seinem Arzt, dass er nächste Woche noch einmal heiraten möchte. Der Arzt sagt: Arzt: "Gute Frau, sie sind jetzt 92, Ihr Freund 21, da kann jeder Sexualkontakt zum Tode führen!" Worauf die alte Dame meint: "Na ja, dann stirbt er halt!"
Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Good jokes
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Да се помага на престъпник докато извършва престъпление, значи да си съучастник. A person helping a criminal evade law before he’s arrested is called an accomplice. - Как называется лицо, помогающее преступнику до того, как он совершил преступление? - Сообщник. - А если оно помогает преступнику после того, как он совершил преступление? - Адвокат.
Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Jaimito y el cuarto frio - Тате, студено ми е. Въпрос: Знаете ли защо блондинките през зимата стоят в ъгъла на стаята? Хлапето към майката блондинка: - Защо блондинките отиват в ъгъла като им е студено? Do you feel cold! Son: Dad, it's so cold in here! Frage: Was macht ein Burgenländer wenn ihm kalt ist? Antwort : Er stellt sich in die Ecke, dort hat es 90 Grad! Der Junge nervt seinen Papa immer und immer wieder: "Papa... Paaapaaa, mir ist kalt!" Da erwidert der Vater völlig entnervt: "Dann geh in die Ecke, dort hat’s ständig 90 Grad!" Dlaczego jak jest zimno, to blondynki stają w kącie? - Bo tam jest 90 stopni. - Jag fryser. - Ställ dig i ett hörn. - Men hur kan det hjälpa mig? - Jo, i ett hörn är det alltid 90 grader. Tjejen säger: “Jag fryser” Killen svarar: “Men gå bort till hörnet, där är det 90 grader.” Warum stellt sich eine Blondine in die Ecke, wenn ihr kalt ist? – Dort sind 90 Grad. Faaar, jeg har det kold!– Gå hen i hjørnet, der er 90 grader Wohin geht ein Mathelehrer wenn ihm kalt ist? In die Ecke dort sind es immer 90 Grad Poika: ”Isä, minulla on kylmä” ja isä vastaa: ”Mene kulmaan. Se on 90 astetta”. En pappa till sin son: - Fryser du? - Ja. - Gå och sätt dig i ett hörn då. Där är det alltid 90 grader. Hvad skal man gøre hvis man sidder i et rum, hvor der er så koldt at man fryser? -  Bare gå hen i hjørnet, der er altid 90 grader Wat doet een domblonddje als ze het koud heeft?? Ze gaat in een hoek van 90 graden staan Wohin geht eine Blondine, wenn sie friert? In die Ecke, denn die hat immer 90 Grad! Hvad gør en blondine når hun fryser? - Hun går hen til et hjørne fordi det er 90 grader?
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