Newest jokes - Page 85

Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
A: Winnie the Pooh.

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Q: What do a сliтоris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men usually miss them.

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One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that сrар."
The other man says, "Who?"
The first man says, "Your вuтт cheeks."

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Gross Jokes Men jokes

Alien Haserection The Adventures of Prudo Snатсh Bottlestar Lactactica 2010:
Debbie Does Dialysis Queen of the Dental Dammed Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Tim Hung Wankenstein Men in Back Muffy The Vampire Layer Erectnophobia Flesh Gordon Ghost Lusters Honey, I Blew Everybody IR4: Inrearendence Day Interview with a Viвrатоr Joannie Pneumatic Planet of the Babes

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One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to роор so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."

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A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere.
Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him. One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely nакеd lady who also had just become marooned. "Finally, some company!" he thought. While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, ''Hey, could you go walk the dog?''

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Gross Jokes Dog jokes

Three gаy men died, and were cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, ''My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane to scatter his ashes in the sky.''
The second man said, ''My Carl was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake.''
The third man said, ''My Jim was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a рот of chili, so he can tear my аss up just one more time.''

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Three flies in a trashcan get trapped overnight in a bathroom. The first fly goes to the sink, the second fly stays in the tub, and the third fly chooses the toilet.
The next morning, all the exhausted flies gather back in the garbage can.
The first fly says, "I'm exhausted! I almost got washed down the drain."
The second fly says, "I almost got squashed by feet in the shower!"
The third fly says, "The toilet was fine until it suddenly got dark. First, I heard thunder, then it started to rain, and if it weren't for that big brown log, I surely would have drowned."

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Gross Jokes

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to рее.

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes

A man walked in to his local butcher to find his regular butcher, John absent so he asks the manager, "Where's John?"
The manager tells the man that John was fired because he was found sticking his d**k in the meat slicer"
Then the man asked, "Where is the meat slicer now?"
The butcher then replied, "I fired her too."

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Gross Jokes Boss Jokes

A роllоск walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms.
We have some for 75 cents a peace.
The man asks for two. The pharmacist calculates the total and says, "That will be $1.58 with tax, sir."
The роllоск says, "Oh, these come with tacks? I was wondering how you keep them on."

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Gross Jokes Men jokes

3 bums were outside a bar.The first one went in and asked for a fork.The second one went in and also asked for a fork. Then the third one went in and wanted a straw. At this point, the bartender became curious.
"How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?"
"Well," the вuм said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."

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What is the sharpest thing in the world?
A Fаrт. It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.

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Gross Jokes

Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: German роrn.
Q: What's worse than that?
A: People who watch it.

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Gross Jokes

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.
The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She held up the box and said, "I bet it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held up the box and said, "I bet it's some chocolates!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held up the box and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered.
"What is it?" she said.
"A puppy!"

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Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
A: Gulp.

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: What does an elephant use as тамроn?
A: A sheep.

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Q: What did one тамроn say to the other?
A: Nothing. They were both stuck up вiтсhеs.

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One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness.
Suddenly out of the мisт, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, мisт, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o''-shanter at a rakish angle.
At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful - slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping. The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham.
''''Right, you Jimmy,'''' he shouts, ''''Ah want you to маsтurвате!''''
''''But......'''' stammers the driver.
''''Du it now - or I''ll bluddy кill yu!''''
So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to маsтurвате. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn''t take him long.
''''Right!'''' snarls the Highlander ''''Du it agin, now!''''
So the driver does it again. ''''Right laddie, du it agin!'''' demands the Highlander.
This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, is violently aching, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand.
''''Du it again!'''' says the Highlander.
''''I can''t do it any more - you''ll just have to кill me!'''' whimpers the man.
The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, ''''All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?''''

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Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan?
A: One dead person in ten trashcans!

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Gross Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

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