Newest jokes - Page 86

At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement."
Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter. "That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands."
The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?"
The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."

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Two old ladies are at the movies.
"Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off."
"What makes you say that?"
"He's using my hand."

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Gross Jokes Old People Jokes

Want to hear a dirтy joke?
A man fell in the mud.Want to hear a clean joke? He took a bath with bubbles.Want to hear another dirтy joke? Bubbles was his neighbor.

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Gross Jokes

What is more fun that stapeling babies to a wall?
Ripping them off.

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Gross Jokes

A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.
"I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead.
"Hold the turtle, make it pea!"

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

A hitchhiker walks down the road. Unfortunately, he has the runs and has to stop every 15 minutes. A truck driver stops and offers a ride, but warns him that he won't stop for anything.
About 10 minutes on the road, the hitchhiker begs the truck driver to stop, and the driver tells him, "Stick your вuтт out the window if you have to go so bad."
The hitchhiker sticks his вuтт out the window and lets loose. Unfortunately, he doesn't notice the two guys walking on the roadside.
Sprayed with feces, the first guy wipes his face and says, "What are them truckers chewing these days?"
The second guy wipes his face and says, "I don't know, but did you see the lips on that guy?"

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Gross Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her - but he can't.
Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help.
So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, ''Don't worry. I got him with the door!''

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Car and driving jokes Gross Jokes Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Church jokes Love Jokes

A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He takes the dirтy, chewed up rabbit into the house. He gives it a bath, вlоw dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

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Gross Jokes Dog jokes

Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.

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Gross Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes One-Liner Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q: What's the connection between the Star Trek Enterprise and toilet paper?
A: They both travel around Uranus looking for Klingons.

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Gross Jokes

Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?
A: It runs in your genes.

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Gross Jokes

What is tougher than a pitbull with AIDS?
The guy who gave it to him.

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Gross Jokes

Three guys begin work at a toothbrush company as salesmen.
Each day, two of the guys sell twenty toothbrushes each, and the third guy consistently sells two hundred. The other two guys are jealous, but they can't figure out his secret. Then, one day, they run into him at the mall, where he's set up a tobacco dip sample table.
"This is your secret?" says the first guy.
"Try some dip," says the third.
They both take a little bit o' dip.
"Ech!" says the second guy. "
This tastes like s**t!"
"It is s**t. Would you like to buy a toothbrush?"

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Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes

One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, ''Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world.
'' Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!"

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Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes

Q: What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea?
A: He drowned in his own tea рее.

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Gross Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes American Jokes

Рrоsтiтuте 1: Tonight's my night - I can smell c**k in the air.
Prostitute 2: Oh, sorry. I burped.

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Gross Jokes

Q: What do you call a lеsвiаn with a big tongue?
A: Well hung.

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Lesbian jokes Single People Jokes

What's grosser than gross?
Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue.
What's even grosser than that?
When one of them throws up.

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Gross Jokes

While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes. "Wow! What a great idea," he thinks to himself and buys three of them.
Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.

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Gross Jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes

Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat?
A: Who knows - it's never been done.

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Gross Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

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