Newest jokes - Page 87

Boy: "You know unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy"
Girl: "Why are you leaving?"

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A girlfriend said to me during sеx that I should be a little more graceful, so I went to ballet classes!

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Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes Communication Jokes

Patient: "Doc, recently I've been very careless."
Doc: "How? Give me an example."
Patient: "Now I'm speaking with you, it seems that I'm talking to my diск."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Vulgar jokes Communication Jokes

There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sеxuаl disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sеxuаl disorder clinic.
The chief resident is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees as patient маsтurватing in his room.
"What condition does he have?" the student asks.
"He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder", the resident replies. "If he doesn't еjасulате 40-50 times a day, he'll become disoriented."
As the two continue their rounds, the student peeks into another room and sees a patient with his pants around ankles, receiving оrаl sеx from a beautiful nurse.
"What about him?" the student asks. "What's his story?"
"Oh, it's the same condition," the doctor replies. "He just has a better health plan."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Nurse jokes Masturbation jokes School Jokes Boss Jokes

There was a typical blonde. She had long, blondehair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all theblonde jokes.
One day she decided to get makeover. She cutand dyed her hair brunette and went drivingdown a country road, searching for someonewho would appreciate her for her intelligence. When she came across a herd of sheep, shestopped and called the shepherd over.
"That's a nice flock of sheep," she said.
"Well thank you," said the herder.
"Tell you what, I have a proposition for you,"said the woman. "If I can guess the exactnumber of sheep in your flock, can I takeone home?"
"Sure," agreed the Shepherd. So the girl satup and looked at the herd for a second andthen replied: "382".
"Wow," said the shepherd. "That is exactlyright. Go ahead and pick out the sheep youwant to take home."
So the woman went and picked one out and putit in her car.
Then the herder said: "Okay, now I have aproposition for you. If I can guess the realcolour of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

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Blonde Jokes Dog jokes

Young Simon was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.
'What are you doing?' Simon enquired.
'Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey,' his grandmother replied.
'Wow, that's cool.' Simon remarked. 'Are you going to hang it next to the deer?'

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Thanksgiving Jokes One-Liner Jokes Grandparent Jokes

A woman sat in the waiting room when her octogenarian husband was inthe examination room for his annual physical. After awhile, the doctor came out and said:
"Mrs. Garcia, nurse is helping your husband with his clothes and would be out in a minute. Asfar as I can tell, he is in excellent health for his age. However, I am curious about something."
The woman said:
"Yes Doctor, what is it?"
The doctor said:
"During the examination, Mr. Garcia said he was pleased that the bathroom lights came on automatically when he went tourinate in the middle of the night. Can you tell me what that's all about?"
The woman took a deep breath and said:
"Oh no! he's peeing into thefridge again!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Nurse jokes

A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.
The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.
The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.
The pope told the brunette to take the last one.
The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"

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Blonde Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

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Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes

A guy was running for an elevator and he stuck his hand in to stop the doors, and the doors opened. Inside stood a blonde. He said, "Good morning, which floor are you going to?"
She responded, "3rd floor." He pushed the 3rd floor button, plus the 5th floor for himself.
As the elevator started moving the gentleman struck up a conversation and asked the blonde where she was going. She said, "I'm going to the blood bank on the 3rd floor; I donate blood once a week for $10 to supplement my income." Then she asked the gentleman where he was going.
He responded, "I'm going to the sреrм bank on the 5th floor; I donate sреrм there once a week for $50 to supplement my income".
The next week the same scenario happens. He stopped the elevator doors with his hand, the doors opened and the blonde was standing inside. He smiled and greeted her and asked if she was going to the 3rd floor?
The blonde responded in a garbled tone (as if she had something in her mouth), "No 5th floor first."

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Blonde Jokes Banker Jokes

Two telephone company crews were putting up telephone poles. At the end of the day, the company foreman asked the first crew how many poles they had put in the ground. "Fifteen" was the answer.
"Not bad, not bad at all," the foreman said.
Turning to the blonde crew he asked how many they had put in. "Four" was the answer.
"Four?" the foreman yelled. "The others did fifteen, and you only did four?"
"Yes," replied the leader of the blonde group, "But go look at how much they left sticking out of the ground."

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Blonde Jokes

What did the blonde say when she woke-up underneath a соw? Why are you guys still here?

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

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Blonde Jokes

Q) Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
A) It didn’t have a haunting license.
Q) What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
A) The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
Q) Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
A) Because they were trans-parents!
Q) Which ghost is the best dancer?
A) The Boogie Man!
Q) Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
A) It raises their spirits.
Q) What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A)Bamboo.
Q) Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween?
A) It dampens their spirits!
Q) What part of a house do ghosts and spirits avoid?
A) The living room.
Q) Why are ghosts such terrible liars?
A) Because you can see right through them.
Q) How did the little ghost learn to play the piano?
A) By using sheet music
Q) Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A) For the Boos.
Q) Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A) Mali-boo.

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Police Officer Jokes Halloween Jokes

"On Halloween, what is the most read part of a newspaper? The 'Horrorscope.'"

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Halloween Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Victim (after burglary): They stole everything from my house but the soap and towels.
Policeman: Why, those dirтy crooks!

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Police Officer Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Some newly-weds arrive to the hotel and the girl very afraid tells her husband:
"Honey, I don't know nothing of this, can you help me, please?"
I will Honey, starting from this instant, we will call your thing the prison and my thing will we call the prisoner, so... we will put the prisoner in the prison"
And they throw the first one.
and the guy is laying face up on the bed, but the girl was delighted and tells her husband:
"Love, the prisoner is outside the prison!!!"
The guy not very delighted tells her:
"Lets put him into the prison another time!!"
And the second ...but the girl is very sweet-toothed and she tells him:
"!! Honey !!!... .The prisoner is out again!!!"
The man rises, with the legs like a recently born foal.
And they throw the third!!! He is laying on the bed, exhausted and the girl says:
"!!! Honey, the prisoner escaped again!!!"
And he answers with his last breath:
"HEY !, It's not life imprisonment!!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Prison Jokes Love Jokes Hotel Jokes

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler.
She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that.
After Little Johnny's first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went.
She said, "I think I broke his gambling".
The father asked how and she said, "He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my вuтт, so I pulled down my pants and won his money."
"DАМN!" said the father.
"What's wrong?", the teacher asked.
Little Johnny's father said, "This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher's вuтт before the day was over!"

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School Jokes Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes

How do you know if you've walked into the wrong Chinese bookstore?
It'll be called "Wong Fоок Hing Book Store".

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Asian jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Two little boys, one blond, one with brown hair, were arguing over whose father could beat the other’ up.
The brown-haired kid said, “My father is way better than yours.”
The blond came back, “Maybe, but my mother is better than yours.”
“That’s what my father says.”

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Blonde Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

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