Newest jokes - Page 88

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."

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This guy comes back from the toilet, when a women says to him, "Hey, you have left your GARAGE door open"!"
As the man is zipping his fly up, he says with a big smile,"Did you see my big black hummer?"
The woman replies, "Nope just a MINI COOPER with two flat tires."

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes

My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women

The psychiatrist asks his patient: "Do you really think that you are a horse?"
The patient: "Yes."
The Doctor: "Ok, it will be a long and expensive therapy."
The patient: "It's ok, I have enough money."
Doctor: "And how it is possible?"
The patient: "Because I have won three times horse races."

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Animal Jokes Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
A: Bronchitis.

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One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late.
His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.
The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead.
The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing.
To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did.
My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."

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Church jokes Sports Jokes School Jokes Animal Jokes Dad Jokes

Two men work in a mortuary.
One says to another, "You should see that woman they brought in today.
She'd been in the water for a week.
Her сliт was like a pickle."
"Ew!" says the other fellow.
"It was green?"
"No, it was sour!"

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: In case you miss.

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There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor.
The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine.
The next day the doctor called and the wife answered.
"I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said.
"I'm going to need a sемеn, urinе and a fесаl sample".
After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"
"He needs a pair of your underwear".

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Marriage and Family Jokes Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Drug Jokes

Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Flirt jokes

Q: What do gаy guys have in common with bungee jumpers?
A: If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shiт!

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Sports Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

After a long day of winter sporting, we headed back to the ski lodge.
As it was small, a cramped place to stay, we decided it was most fitting to sleep in the same bed.
Myself in the middle and my two friends either side of me.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right woke up and said, "I have had a dream where I was given the best hаndjов ever!"
A few minutes later, the guy on my left woke up and said: "I have had a dream that I was given the best hаndjов ever!"
I replied, "well that's funny... I thought I was skiing."

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Friendship Jokes Sports Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Starbucks is offering a new drink to honor Nancy Pelosi.
They call it the "fullacrapuccino".

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Business jokes Food Jokes Political Jokes Democrat jokes Customer service jokes

Johnny wanted to have sеx with a girl in his office. But she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a Ł100 if you let me have sеx with you."
But the girl said, "NO."
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend...
So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for Ł200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded, "The ваsтаrd used coins!"

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Sex Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes

A woman was suspicious in the loyalty of her husband for a long time and she decided to make him jealous.
"My love, what would you say if I was having sеx with your best friend?"
"I'd say you're a lеsвiаn!"

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A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The young man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident", I just lost it.
"CASE DISMISSED!"

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Judge and Court Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A man and woman are lying in bed after a disappointing bout of sеx.
‘You’ve got a very small оrgаn,’ says the woman.
The man replies, ‘Well I didn’t know I’d be playing in the Albert Hall.’

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes

Yo Momma is so poor when her friend came over to use the bathroom she said ok, choose a corner.

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Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all-time because Chuck Norris never played.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.
Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously.
The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch.
She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," she said.
"We only met a half hour ago.
How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."
"You're wrong," the young man declared.
"For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account."

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