Valentine's Day Jokes

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ВИЖДАЛИ ЛИ СТЕ ТОЗИ МЪЖ? Последно видян сутринта на 14 февруари ДАЛИ ГО ВИДОВТЕ ОВОЈ МАЖ? Последен пат виден наутро на 14 февруари ¿HA VISTO A ESTE HOMBRE? Visto por última vez la mañana del 14 de febrero ВЫ ВИДЕЛИ ЭТОГО МУЖЧИНУ? В последний раз его видели утром 14 февраля HABEN SIE DIESEN MANN GESEHEN? Zuletzt gesehen am Morgen des 14. Februar AVEZ-VOUS VU CET HOMME ? Vu pour la dernière fois le matin du 14 février ΕΧΕΤΕ ΔΕΙ ΑΥΤΟΝ ΤΟΝ ΑΝΔΡΑ; Τελευταία φορά θεάθηκε το πρωί της 14ης Φεβρουαρίου AVETE VISTO QUEST'UOMO? Visto l'ultima volta la mattina del 14 febbraio BU ADAMI GÖRDÜNÜZ MÜ? En son 14 Şubat sabahı görüldü ВИ БАЧИЛИ ЦЬОГО ЧОЛОВІКА? Востаннє його бачили вранці 14 лютого VOCÊ VIU ESTE HOMEM? Visto pela última vez na manhã do dia 14 de fevereiro CZY KTOŚ WIDZIAŁ TEGO MĘŻCZYZNĘ? Ostatnio widziany rano 14 lutego HAR DU SETT DEN HÄR MANNEN? Senast sedd på morgonen den 14 februari HEEFT U DEZE MAN GEZIEN? Laatst gezien op de ochtend van 14 februari HAR DU SET DENNE MAND? Sidst set om morgenen den 14. februar HAR DU SETT DENNE MANNEN? Sist sett om morgenen den 14. februar OLETKO NÄHNYT TÄTÄ MIESTÄ? Viimeksi nähty 14. helmikuuta aamulla LÁTTAD EZT A FÉRFIT? Utoljára február 14-én reggel látták AȚI VĂZUT PE ACEST BĂRBAT? Văzut ultima dată în dimineața zilei de 14 februarie VIDĚLI JSTE TOHOTO MUŽE? Naposledy spatřen ráno 14. února AR MATĖTE ŠĮ VYRĄ? Paskutinį kartą matytas vasario 14-osios rytą VAI ESAT REDZĒJUŠI ŠO VĪRIETI? Pēdējo reizi redzēts 14. februāra rītā JESTE LI VIDJELI OVOG MUŠKARCA? Zadnji put viđen ujutro 14. veljače
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN? Last seen on the morning of Feb 14
Valentine's Day Jokes
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a тrамр would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card
Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes Valentine's Day Jokes
What would be different if men really ruled the world
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again" cards.
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the аss and a "Nice hustle, you'll get ‘em next time" would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
At the end of the workday, a whistle would вlоw and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Garbage would take itself out.
Instead of вееr belly, you'd get "вееr biceps."
Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said,
"You're #1!"
Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.
St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
The victors in any athletic competition would get to кill and eat the losers.
The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop:
"You know how fast you were going"
You:
"All I know is, I was spilling my вееr all over the place."
Cop:
"Nice one. That's $10 off."
People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
Drinking and Drunk Jokes Monday jokes Beer Jokes Valentine's Day Jokes