Newest jokes - Page 862

I met a girl last night who was so ugly, even a sniреr wouldn’t take her out.

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Ugly Jokes

My son asked me if he could borrow my torch because he was going out on a date. I said to him
“I never used to take a torch on my dates when I was your age”.
He said,
“I know look what you ended up with”.

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Ugly Jokes

I had a Trivia Competition in the bag until the very last question,--which I got wrong.
The question was, “Where do women have the curliest hair ?”
Apparently the correct answer was Fiji.

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Jokes about Women Stupid Jokes

A homeless guy just approached me asking for change.
I said, “Oh yeah, pal, asking me for money but I see you can afford those trendy jeans with the rips in.”

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Money jokes Stupid Jokes

If women aren't supposed to be in the kitchen, then why do they have milk and eggs inside them?!

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

Women are like roads. The more curves they have, the more dangerous they are.

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

When I was single, I never was into the whole bar scene. I just wasn’t very good at it. I never quite mastered the art of the “pick up line.”
For instance, there was this drop dead gorgeous blonde at this bar I went to one time. I dragged up my courage, walked over to her, and in my most suave voice said, “Hey, sеxy girl, can I buy you a drink?”
She diverted her gaze towards me. Gorgeous blue eyes. Beautiful ruby-red lips. Вrеаsтs to die for. She licked her lips and said, “Tell me, do you like sеx?”
Oh my. Better than I could have hoped for. “Yes, I love sеx.”
“Wonderful,” she said, coming a little closer, “Do you like to travel?”
“Oh yeah. I love to travel.”
“Good,” she said, “then fсuк off.”

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Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Single People Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

“I love you loads, honey pie.” My wife said earlier.
“And I love you tons.” I replied.
“What, no nickname for me?” She asked, disappointed.
Sometimes I swear the fат соw’s going deaf.

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Fat Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

7 things you didn’t know about me:
1. I rarely finish anything I start.

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Philosophy Jokes

Toking some good gаnjа here in my воng and thinking about how dense people are on this planet. Not dense, like people packed together in a mosh pit, but dumb … sтuрid … like sheep being led to the slaughter. …
…
“I Think of how sтuрid the average person is, and it hits me: average! That means half of the people are even more sтuрid than that.”

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Philosophy Jokes

What's the definition of black foreplay? Don't scream or I'll кill you.

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Black People Jokes

George washington said "We would have a black president when pigs fly!" ... well, swinе flu.

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Black People Jokes

I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself

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Love Jokes

Why did Ms Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.

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Kids Jokes Love Jokes

Customer: Give me a hot dog.
Waiter: With pleasure.
Customer: No, with mustard.

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Life Jokes

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

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Life Jokes

Apple are calling the new iPhone “6 plus”, but its screen is really only 5.5″.
Way to steal a page out of my playbook, Apple.

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News and Politics Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes

Q: What is written on Steve Jobs tombstone?
A: iCame, iSaw, iConquered, iLeft, iCameBack, iThinkDifferent, iMac, iPod, iTunes, iPhone, iPad, iCloud, iRIP
Q: Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret?
A: They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn’t have a Flash player installed!
Q: Why is it so sad that Steve Jobs died?
A: Everyone at Apple are crying their i’s out!
Q: What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application?
A: Your iphone will keep crashing!
Q: Why won’t blondes take their iPhones to the bathroom?
A: Because they don’t want to give away their IP address!
Steve Jobs‘ funeral will be held next week, after which he will be reburied every six months in a slightly better coffin.
Do not touch MY iPhone. It’s not an usPhone, it’s not a wePhone, it’s not an ourPhone, it’s an iPhone.
I don’t understand why everybody wants the white iPhone, Everyone knows the black one runs faster.
I pressed the ‘home’ button but I’m still at school…
If your iPhone is black and you’re making Siri do tasks for you you’re pretty much saying slavery was OK.

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School Jokes Blonde Jokes Science jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes

2019 Senior Prank- Hey fellas lets black out the school haha were so sneaky oh yes
2020 Senior Prank- Hey guys I’m a tech whiz let’s spread a rumor on the internet saying a disease called the corona virus exists! Haha it’s be so funny and good even the whole world might fall for it
Everyone in December 2020- looks at tech whiz
“…you son of a (censored)!!!”
Tech whiz- “you guys are the (censored)s I mean you fell for it for a whole year

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Internet Jokes School Jokes

Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him:
"May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!"
Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny:
"Have you heard your Granny's wish?
So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac!
Those 4 steps will not save ya!"

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Sick and Death Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Birthday Jokes

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