Animal Jokes

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Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

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Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes

A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in
Because the people came back for their dog

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Animal Jokes

Two guys meet:
"Where were you lost my friend? says one of them."
"Well, I took my kids to the zoo..."
"And what kind of animals did you see there?"
"The tiger... Huge and Scary! Full of stripes... Slowly walking inside the cage. She was “ahgrrr...”
"Are you kidding me men? The tiger doesn’t go “ahgrrr..” … She “grrrrsss..”!
"Right, ok.. But when you get too close to her face... !"

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A doctor, a lawyer, and an architect were arguing about who had the smartest dog. They decided to settle the issue by getting all the dogs together and seeing whose could perform the most impressive feat. "Okay, Rover," ordered the architect, and Rover trotted over to a table and in four minutes constructed a complete scale model of a Cathedral out of toothpicks. The architect slipped Rover a cookie, and everyone agreed that it was a pretty impressive performance. "Hit it, Spot," commanded the doctor. Spot lost no time in performing an emergency Caesarean on a соw. Three minutes later the proud mother of a healthy little heifer was all sewed up and doing fine. Not bad, conceded the onlookers, and Spot got a cookie from the doctor. "Your turn, Fella," said the lawyer. Over went Fella, sсrеwеd the other two dogs, took their cookies, and went out to lunch.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Lawyer Jokes

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

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Animal Jokes

Little Billy sits on his neighbour fence.
After a while he asks surprised:
Sir, how come your pig has only tree legs?
Because I used only one leg for the stock.

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Animal Jokes

A man goes into a pub with a cat sitting on his head.
The barman pulls him a pint and says,‘Look I don’t know if you know it but there’s a cat sitting on your head.’
‘What of it?’ asks the man.‘I always wear a cat on my head on a Monday.’
‘But today’s Tuesday,’ replies the barman.
‘Oh God. Is it?’ says the man. ‘I must look a right рrат.’

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God Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

Why do zebras have stripes?
Because the spots where all over.

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Animal Jokes

Q. What did one frog say to another?
A. You're such a WART!

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Animal Jokes

How do you make a cat be a dog?
Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match.
It will go 'WOOF.'

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Animal Jokes

Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina?
They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that dамnеd roadrunner.

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Animal Jokes

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? – Itenticle.

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Animal Jokes

How did the Dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.

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Animal Jokes

What’s a black spot between two white spots?
A fly with cotton wool in her ears!

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Animal Jokes

Name an animal that lives in Lapland?
A reindeer
Good, now name another.
Another reindeer!

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Animal Jokes

Bears do not eat bears.
Tigers do not eat tigers.
Dogs do not eat dogs.
Cats stopped eating kebabs.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

Question: What do you get when you cross a shark and a parrot?
Answer: a creature that talks your ear off.

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Animal Jokes Parrot jokes

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
He set a new lap record.

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Animal Jokes

So... I had this rabbit that died of heatstroke after a week and I didn't have a time to name it.
So after it died and was on my lap the name came to me... I'll call it floppy!

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Animal Jokes