Animal Jokes - Page 110

How do you put an elephant into a Safeway bag?
You take the "f" out of safe & the "f" out of way- wait, there's no "f" in way!

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Animal Jokes

If a соw poops in a fishtank with no fish in it, is it still a fishtank? Or is it now an entirely different entity?

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Animal Jokes

A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says,
"We don't serve ducks here." The duck says,
"I'll pay you $20."
"Your money isn't good here."
"Then put it on my bill."

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Money jokes Animal Jokes

With sufficient тhrusт, pigs fly just fine.

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Animal Jokes

To err is human. To forgive is also human. Actually, everything you do is human. Except for laying eggs. That's more of a bird thing.

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Animal Jokes

Jason gets off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocks on his blind date's door. She opens it and is very beautiful and charming. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she says. "Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog follows Jason onto the balcony and starts rolling over. John makes a hoop with his arms and Spot jumps through, over the balcony railing. Just then, Jason's date walks out. "Isn't Spot the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth, " he replies,
"Spot seemed a little depressed to me!"

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Animal Jokes

Ladies... You can't wear animal print and be вiggеr than the animal.

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Animal Jokes

A man is attending a function in another village, riding a horse. As he is about to go, he notices that his horse is missing. He shouts, asking for his horse, but nobody seems to know where it is. "If I don't find my horse, I will do exactly what I did when I lost my first horse!" Suddenly, the horse appears. Out of curiosity, a man goes up to him and asks, "What did you do when you lost your first horse?" He replies,
"I walked."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

There were three pigs. The first pig went to a bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, went to the bathroom, and then left. The second pig went to the same bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, went to the bathroom, and then left. The third pig went to the same bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, and was just going to leave. The bartender asked if he was going to the bathroom, the third little pig said, “No, I’m the little pig that goes weee weee weee all the way home.”

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Animal Jokes

Two doctors are on a golf course at the tenth hole. One of them looks up in the trees and sees an owl asleep on a branch. One doctor says to the other, "I'll bet you $100 I can give that owl a vasectomy and that owl won't even wake up." The other doctor says,
"You've got a bet." The first doctor climbs up the tree, does the operation, and comes down from the tree. The owl never wakes up. The second doctor, not to be outdone, says,
"I bet you the same that I can give that owl a tonsillectomy and he won't wake up." The second doctor climbs up the tree, does his operation, and the owl never wakes up. An hour later, the owl wakes up, flies to another tree, sees another owl and tells him, "Whatever you do, don't fall asleep in that tree by the tenth hole, because when I woke up after a nap, I couldn't hoot worth a fuск or fuск worth a hoot!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes

Two flys are out on a date, so they go out on the town and see fresh dog роор on the side of the road. They rush down and start feasting, when one of the flies stops and has the biggest relieved face. The other fly asks, "Are you okay?" The fly responds with a squirmish smile and the other fly smells something funky and says,
"Dude, how rude! You fаrт while I'm eating!"

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Animal Jokes

A religious woman buys a parrot and takes it home. As soon as she gets the bird in its new cage, it starts hollering, "I'm a whоrе! I'm a whоrе!" The lady is embarrassed and asks her minister if she should return the foul-mouthed bird. The minister suggests, "I have a well-behaved male parrot who sits in its cage and prays all day long. Perhaps if we put your bird in with mine, your bird will see the error of its ways and become more pious." The next day, the woman takes her parrot to the minister's house and puts her bird in with the praying parrot. After a few seconds, her parrot starts saying, "I'm a whоrе! I'm a whоrе!" The priest's parrot replies,
"Come on in honey, that's what I've been praying for!"

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

What do you call a bulldog and shih tzu crossbreed?
Bullshit.

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Animal Jokes

Joe takes his friend Steve hunting for the first time, and reminds him to be still and keep quiet. An hour into the woods, Joe hears Steve screaming behind him. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" says Joe." Hey, I kept quiet when the snake bit me," says Steve, "and I was quiet when the fox attacked me, but when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg just now, I heard one ask the other, 'Should we eat them now or take them with us?'"

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Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

What happend when the duck fell upside-down? He quacked up!

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Animal Jokes

What did the doctor say when a pony came in complaining about a sore throat? "I know what's wrong here; you're just a little hoarse!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes

A guy walks into a bar with his monkey and tells the bartender, "What do you say you buy me a drink if I can get this monkey here to bl*w me?" The bartender agrees and the guy smacks his monkey upside his head. The monkey falls over, jumps up, pulls the guys thing out, and starts bl*wing. Another guy at the end of the bar has been watching in amazement and says,
"Hey, can I try that?!" The monkey owner says,
"Sure," and the other guy says,
"Okay, just don't hit me that hard."

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Animal Jokes

A snail entered a police station and told an officer, "I just got mugged by two turtles. They beat me up and took all my money!" The officer replied, "Why that's terrible. Did you get a good look at them?"
"No sir, it all happened so fast!"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A guy hears a knock on his door. He opens the door, sees a snail, then picks it up and chucks it as far as possible. Three years later, he hears a knock on his door, opens the door, and sees the same snail. The snail says,
"Hey man, what did you do that for?!"

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

Want to hear a dirтy joke? The white horse fell in the mud.

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Animal Jokes