Animal Jokes

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Two veterinarians are walking through the woods. The first vet states that he is the best vet in the world, and the second vet disagrees. The argument goes on for about 5 minutes when they stop at an old oak tree with an owl sitting on a branch.
The first vet says, “To prove how skilled I am, I bet I can perform a tonsillectomy on that owl without waking it up.”
The second doctor takes on his bet, thinking he is full of it, but astonishingly, the first vet performs a flawless surgery without the owl waking up.
Obviously the second vet needs to show him up and he exclaims, “I bet I can neuter it without it waking up!”
The first vet insists that it is impossible, but the second vet gives it hеll anyway. Against all odds, the second vet performs the surgery just as well as the first vet. They settle their feud and both agree that they are the best veterinarians in the world.
A few days later two owls are flying over the same old oak tree and the first owl says, “Hey that looks like a great place to land for the night, whaddya think?”
The second owl says, “Неll no! Last time I landed there, I woke up and I couldn’t hoot worth a fсuк, or fсuк worth a hoot!”
Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes
A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb.
About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.
Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two birds. The Momma bird turned to Daddy bird and said,
"Don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?"
Animal Jokes
Animal Jokes
Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes
The Three Bears were about to enjoy breakfast together as usual when they were interrupted by a terrible ROAARR outside their humble cottage. Immediately, the door came crashing in and this huge ugly, fierce looking bear stood in their midst!
Without hesitation, the monster slurped up Papa Bear's porridge, then Mama Bear's, finally licking every morsel from Baby Bear's little bowl.
Suddenly, the intruder produced a pistol and fired several shots through the cottage roof! Where upon the furry animal walked calmly out the open door and disappeared into the forest.
WHAT WAS THAT? exclaimed Papa Bear.
I HAVE NO IDEA! said Mama Bear.
I Think it was a Koala Bear said Baby Bear.
Oh, no, Son, insisted Mama and Papa Bear. That was too big and fierce for a Koala bear. I'm pretty sure it WAS a Koala bear, said Baby Bear, walking over to the family library, and pulling down the bear history book.
Sure enough! Under the heading, KOALA BEAR it read. ....... Eats, shoots, and leaves.
Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes
A koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks up and says “Hey koala what are you doing?”
The koala answers “Smoking a joint, come up and have some.”
The lizard climbs up and the two share the joint.
After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and excuses himself to a nearby river to have a drink.
The lizard, so sтоnеd, leans over too far and falls in.
A crocodile swims out to rescue him.
When they get onto dry land, the croc asks,
“What’s wrong with you, lizard?”
The lizard tells him that he was smoking a joint with a koala, and he got too sтоnеd and fell in while taking a drink.
The croc has to see this for himself, so he asks the lizard to take him to the koala.
When they get back to the tree, the croc looks up at the koala and says “Hey, you.”
The koala looks down and says,
“Shiiiit dude, how much water did you drink?
Animal Jokes
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