Animal Jokes

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I got one of those talking dog collars for my chihuahua who I named 'Ding-Bat'. The collar is supposed to tell you what the dog is trying to say.
Ding-Bat would just glare at me and say "merk, merk". I sent the malfunctioning collar back for repair. After two weeks it came back to me in the mail with a note. “Dear Sir, your dog’s collar is in perfect working order. The problem is your dog cannot pronounce his J’s.”

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes

Me: How do you make an animal to talk to you?
Friend: How?
Me: I just did.

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Insult Jokes Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

Two mice met in the early nineteen-sixties, when manned flights in orbit were as yet in the planning stage. After the usual exchange of pleasantries, one said, “But you look worn out, Michael. What’s the matter?”
Michael shrugged his little shoulders and said, “Life isn’t easy for us scientists, you know. I’m in space research, and those experimental flights in rockets, with the weightlessness and the acceleration and the uncertainty of safe return - Well, it’s hard on one’s nerves.”
“In that case,” said his friend, “why don’t you quit and take a job in some other line of work?”
“That’s easy to say,” said Michael, “but stop and think - Is a job in cancer research any better?”

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

I just wrote an article about the love I always have for my horse. It's entitled, 'I'm Stable; You Live in One.'

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Animal Jokes

There was a man who visisted the zoo. There was also a kangaroo. The kangaroo had a joey (baby kangaroo) in it's pouch. The kangaroo looked into the man pants and said "Wow, your joey is so small."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

I call her. She tells me my dog, Sluggo, just took a dump on the new carpet. I'm like, 'Shoot him.' She goes, 'That's just like you, Ron. I have a genuine problem, and you're being sarcastic.'
'Alright, honey, I'm sorry. Put the dog on the phone. I'll talk to him.'

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Animal Jokes

Two ducks are in a pond. One went “Quack quack!” and the other duck said, “That’s funny, I was just about to say that!”

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Animal Jokes

I feel like having a baby and having a dog are pretty much the same except for the part where your vаginа gets ruined.

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Animal Jokes

Do you wanna play lion tamer? she asks:
"What is that?" you say: It's when you get on all fours and I put my head in your mouth.

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Animal Jokes

Guy: what mouse walks on two legs?
Guy #2: IDK
Guy: mickey mouse, what duck walks on two legs?
Guy #2: donald duck!
Guy: all ducks dumbass

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Animal Jokes

Are you a cat because you're purrrrrrfect.

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Animal Jokes

Harry arrived early for his date and he waited in the living room while she finished getting ready.
Her pup walked into the room with a ball. He tossed the ball and the pup fetched it.
He repeated the game a few times when the ball bounced too high and went out on to the patio of the 23 story building. The eager pup chased it as it bounced high against the wall and unfortunately went over the wall and down the 23 floors.
Shaken, Harry struggled with how he could possibly explain what happened to his date. When she entered the room, Harry said,
"Did you notice how depressed your pup seemed to be today?"

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Animal Jokes

Q. Why did the parrot die of starvation?
A. Because it couldn’t say I’m hungry.

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Animal Jokes

Did you hear about the 6 Chinese sailors who were killed by a killer whale?
Apparently it was an orca-strated attack.

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Animal Jokes

You can change a cat's litter box but you can't change its Purr-ceptions!

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Animal Jokes

Just saw a donkey crossing the road, funny thing was he looked both ways. Smart аss xxxx

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Animal Jokes

What kind of medical help does a mermaid seek, a vet or a doctor?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes

Q. Why did the skeleton run up the tree?
A. Because a dog was after his bones!

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Animal Jokes

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird brings black babies, what bird brings NO babies? …
A Swallow.

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Animal Jokes

How many ducks would there be, if you saw two ducks in front of two ducks, two ducks between two ducks, and two ducks behind two ducks?
Answer: 4 ducks-because they are in a row.

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Animal Jokes