Animal Jokes

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Whats black white and read all over?
A zebra after a lion is full

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What animal lies. A lion

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What animal can not be trusted?
A lion 🦁

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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Lion 🦁.
Lion who?
Lion again aren’t you?

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I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat but I would be lion.

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A соw went into a pride of lion’s territory?
Since that moment he knew his life was on stake

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If I were a cat I’d spend all nine of my lives with you

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3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer :
Chi-ca-go

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I ran over neighbors cat last night and I just want to say… THAT THING WAS FAST! I had run a red light to get it!

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A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”

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I came home from school One day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiот and told me to go kick rocks so I did except I kicked him out him and I called him the idiот for not moving out of the way

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Anyone who says they dont like cats, has never had one cooked right…

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How do you pet a psychopaths cat?
You get it out of the microwave

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Why are cats 🐈 good at video games!
Because they have nine lives!

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Curiousity killed the cat. But for a while I was a suspect

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What a duck’s favorite thing to smoke?
Quack

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Quack quack quack quack quack quack

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Ok so, a mole goes up to a snail and eats him. it was a seven course meal if i say so myself

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Why is Ronan’s forehead the size of Jupiter?
Because he dropped the TV on his forehead it also had rings
Why is Jupiter’s ring stuck in orbit?
Because Ronan’s forehead kept it stuck in orbit
Snails are like sреrм, slow and sloppy

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