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Animal Jokes

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My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
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Animal Jokes
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
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Animal Jokes
I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away.
Now there’s a great pile of сrар and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor.
Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
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Animal Jokes
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
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Animal Jokes
Why did the gag-writer turn green?
Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!
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Animal Jokes
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess.
He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile.
‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
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Animal Jokes Men jokes
On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!
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Animal Jokes
Your moms house is so poor i went to knock on her door and a roach tripped me and a rat took my walet.
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Animal Jokes Yo Momma Jokes
Your house is so dirтy I saw rats on dirt bikes.
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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes
Bad Zoo
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!
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Money jokes Animal Jokes Soccer Jokes
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
What do you call a dinosaur drinking Tequila?
Tyrannosaurus Mex.
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Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes
When does a female deer need money?
When she doesnt have a buck.
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Jokes about Women Money jokes Animal Jokes
A Bosnian catches a goldfish.
The goldfish says:
"Let me go and I will grant you one wish."
The Bosnian says:
"No way, I'll take you to the раwn shop – gold is gold."
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Animal Jokes
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him:
"I am placed in the door and told when to jump.
My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.
But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
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Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes
Why did the frog walk across the road?
He didn't... he jumped.
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Animal Jokes
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes
For breakfast Chuck Norris enjoys toast and jellyfish.
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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
A plowhorse, a honeybee and an old geezer are debating about which of them is the greatest.
The horse says,
"I can plow all day long to provide food for dozens of people!"
"
The bee says,
"I pollinate all the plants every year and make honey besides!"
The old geezer says...
(We're waiting...)
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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes
One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were stuck on an island 100 miles away from civilization.
The only way to get home was to swim.
The brunette swam 50 miles before drowning.
The redhead swam 64 miles before getting attacked by a shark.
The blonde went 99 miles but got tried a swam back to the island.
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Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes
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