Walks into a Bar, Bar jokes, Bartender jokes

Hi ваве fancy coming over to my place? I’ve got a load of condoms that are approaching their ‘best before’ date and I need to use them up.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

What is the difference between a good вееr and a woman:
1. A good вееr never goes flat.
2. A good вееr never commits when between your legs.
3. A good вееr never complains when you’ve had better.
4. A good вееr doesn’t try to кill you when you tell it its too big.
5. You never have to impress a good вееr, it loves you no matter what.

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Jokes about Women Bar and Bartender Jokes

Three little ducks go into a Bar.
“Say, what’s your name?” the bartender asked the first duck.
“Huey,” was the reply.
“How’s your day been, Huey?”
“Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?” said Huey.
“Oh. That’s nice,” said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, “Hi, and what’s your name?”
“Dewey,” came the answer from duck number two.
“So how’s your day been, Dewey! ?” he asked.
“Great. Lovely day. I’ve had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?”
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, “So, you must be Louie?”
“No,” she said, batting her eyelashes.
“My name is Puddles.”

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

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Blonde Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

The other day i was in the pub when the waitress approaches me to take my order,
I noticed she had two black eyes
She asks 'what would you like to order?'
I replied with what i wanted to eat, making sure to speak very clearly and loudly because it was obvious she wasn't a great listener!

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

Guy going home from the pub is stopped at a police checkpoint. A bobby comes over and tells the driver to roll down his window. When he does, the copper is almost knocked over with the smell of alcohol. So he asks:
"Have you been drinking, suuur?" (as English cops are wont to say). "Yes", replies the driver. "What did you have exactly, suuuur"? "Well, about seven or eight pints of Guinness, a couple of whiskies, and then one or two night caps in the form of double brandies". The copper pulls out his breathalyzer and says,
"Would you mind blowing into this, suuur"
? To which the drunк dude retorts:
"What for? Do you not believe me?"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

One man to his friend, what an automated society we live in.
Have you ever noticed that when a traffic light turns green, it automatically
Activates the horn of the car behind you?”

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Friendship Jokes

Hi, can you please tell your niррlеs to stop staring at my eyes .

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

You’ve got a great аss and I’ve got 2 hands. We were made for each other.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A drunк and a preacher were driving up a mountainside in different vehicles. The drunк was swerving from side to side; the preacher was driving straight and true. All of a sudden, the preacher lost control and drove off the edge of a cliff. The drunк noticed the preacher going off the edge, so he stopped his car and went to see if he was all right. He noticed the preacher was climbing up the hillside. He yelled down at the preacher, "Are you alright?" And the preacher replied, "Have no fear my son, I had the Lord riding with me." The drunк then yelled back, "You had better let him ride with me next time, cuz your gonna get him killed!"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man left the bar late one night after one too many drinks. He decided to walk home taking a shortcut through the grave yard. He fell into an open grave but failed to escape after many attempts.
What the man didn’t see was another guy from the bar who had previously fallen in and was curled up asleep at the other end of the grave. The guy woke up and said, “You’ll never make it out of here.”
Low and behold he made it out in one leap!

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Hi would you like to come back to my place tonight? I usually have loads of girls with me but there was a coach crash last week and I lost 40 of them.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

Why do people love drinking Guinness?
A : It's a meal in a can!

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

“Poor Old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man trying to fish in a puddle of water outside of the bar. He decided to invite the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught so far?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth today.”

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his вееr, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says,
"That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says,
"That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says,
"When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

I couldn’t help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar last night.|
One of the guys says to his buddy:
“Man you look tired.” His buddy says:
“Man I’m exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sеx all the time. She’s after me 3 and 4 times a day. I just don’t know what to do.”
A fellow about my age (72+), sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation.
He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says:
“Marry her. That’ll put a stop to that shiт.”

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Men jokes Sex Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

So I'm sitting in a bar across from two very large women and I say, "Cool accents are you two from Scotland?"
One yells back, "IT's WALES YOU IDIОТ!"
I say, "Ok so you are two whales from Scotland?"
I don't remember much after that

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Jokes about Women Bar and Bartender Jokes

**Whisper In Girls Ear** I just got an еrестiоn… thanks!

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

I’m an animal in bed. I like to be patted on the head and given food.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

(Walk over with a hunched back) I hurt my back trying to suск my реnis.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes