Blonde Jokes - Page 55

A blonde goes to an office party and wins a thermos. The blonde asks a co-worker, What does it do? He says it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. The next day the blond goes to work after filling her thermos with ice cream and tea.

60 0

Three blondes are training to be police officers. The man who is training them takes out a picture and asks the first blonde, "What do you notice about the man in this picture?" The blonde says,
"He only has one eye!". The man says "No, no, it's a side view." Then he says to the second blonde, "What do you notice about this man?" . The 2nd blonde says,
"He only has one ear!". The man says "Hello, it's a side view! Geez!". So the man goes over to the last blonde and says,
"What do you notice about this man?" . The final blonde says,
"He wears contacts!" The man goes to the FBI computer and looks the man in the picture up - sure enough - he wears contacts! The man says,
"How did you know that?" . The blonde says "Well, if he only has one eye and one ear, how can he wear glasses?" .

51 0

Blonde Jokes

One day there were three astronauts a blonde, brunnete, and a redhead eating together.
The brunette said,
"Hey you guys we were the first people in outer space we should be proud of that," and they said,
"Yeah, yeah we are.
Then they start to eat again when the redhead says "Hey you guys we were the first ones on the moon we should be proud of that too." They said,
"Yeah, yeah we are."
The blonde starts thinking and about one hour later she says,
"You guys, you know how we were the first one in outer space and the first ones on the moon?" They said,
"Yeah, so?"
"So," the blonde said,
"We should be the first ones on the sun too."
The redhead says,
"You crazy blonde, if we got within a 100 mile radius of the sun we would burn up and die."
The blonde replies,
"You are the crazy, we wouldn't go during the day. We would go at night."

51 0

Blonde Jokes

What do a blonde and a car have in common? A: They can both drive you crazy.

51 0

Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building...
He suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, "Why did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?"
The blond answers in a very weak voice, "We wanted to try out our new маxi-pads with wings."

51 0

Blonde Jokes

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....
Crap! This one's barefoot, too

51 0

Blonde Jokes Banker Jokes

Q: What do you call a blonde with one brain cell? A: Gifted.
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a blonde with more than two brain cells? A: A golden retriever.

48 0

Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

One day, a blonde was left alone in a lab with a beetle. She examined it and decided to do an experiment. She pulled off one of its legs, then asked it to run. The beetle obeyed her command. Then, she pulled off a second leg and asked it to run. It did, but with a lot of difficulty. Finally, she pulled the remaining legs off and asked it to run. It couldn't. "I have made a new discovery!" the blonde cried. "When you pull all of a beetle's legs off, it becomes deaf!!"

41 0

Blonde Jokes

There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who'd been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. "Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly asked,
"Well Duh! Can't you see I'm still winning?"

48 0

Blonde Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not
Allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he
Would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker
(who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was
Pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was
"CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you
Doing?" I told him I was a light bulb.
He said,
"You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a
Couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "... And
Where do you think you're going?"
(You're gonna love this.....)
She said,
"I'm going home too, I can't
Work in the dark

51 0

Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, thewife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment andsaid,
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here?" and hung up. The husband said,
"Who was that?" The wife said,
"I don't know, someyoung woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

52 0

Blonde Jokes

A blonde and a brunette went into a bar for a drink. They sat down just as the 6:00 news was being televised in the bar. They were showing a man getting ready to jump off a 20 story building. The blonde turned to the brunette and said:
"I bet you $100 that he doesn't jump."
"I'll take that bet," the brunette replied. At that moment he jumped. The blonde took $100 out of her wallet and handed it to the brunette. I can't take your money, the brunette replied.
"No, I insist. A bet is a bet and I want you to take it."
The blonde said.
"No, I honestly can not take it because I saw the 5 o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump."
The blonde replied,
"No take the money because I also saw the 5 o'clock news but I didn't think he would jump twice."

39 0

Blonde Jokes

How do you know a blonde has a bad day? she's playing a pencil and she cant find her recorder!

52 0

Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

There was a blonde. She had never been horseback riding and decided to try, even though she had no prior expierience. So the blonde gracefully mounted the horse. The horse started off at an easy gallop,the blonde thought she was doing quite well. When all of a sudden she began to slip! She tried to grasp the horses mane but it was too slick! So she decided to jump to safety.... So she jumped, but her foot was caught in the sturrup! She was at the mercy of the horses feet, and right before she was knocked unconcious.... the manager of wal-mart walked out and turned the horse off

53 0

Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says,
"What a great chest you have!"
He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!" The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies,
"I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"

53 0

Blonde Jokes

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know? The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early. The redhead is eleated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date. The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a сrаск and is mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house. The next day, the brunette and the redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims, "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!"

53 0

Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED МURDЕR (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car.
He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wаd of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wаd of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

59 0

Blonde Jokes

When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said,
"No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."
"Why is that," the host asked?
Her reply... "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks ... Anyone can!"

54 0

Blonde Jokes

Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked,
"Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!" The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You моrоn! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

55 0

Blonde Jokes

Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number.
"What kind of car was he driving?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another."
At that, Jim decided the time had come for a learning course, and for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.
It worked. About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face. "Darling," she said. "I hit a Buick!"

55 0

Blonde Jokes