Blonde Jokes

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The blonde Anna made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.
"We've been trying for months now, doctor, to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.
"I'm sure we'll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her.
"If you'll just take off your clothes and lie down on examining table."
"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the Anna, blushing, "but It would have been better to have my husband's baby.

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A blonde said,
"I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid."

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One day, a blonde walked into a store. She examined some of the items on the shelves before walking over to the store owner and saying:
“I’d like to buy that TV, please.” The man replied, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.” So, that night, she goes home and dies her hair brown. She goes back to the store the next day, and walks up to the owner, saying “I would like to buy that TV, please.” The man once again replied, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.” Frustrated, she went home, died all her hair black, then came back to the store, and said:
“I would like to buy that TV.” The owner of the store replied in a slightly amused voice, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.” At the end of her limit, the blonde cut all of her hair off, went to the store, and said, “I’d like to buy that TV.” The man said, “We don’t sell to blondes.” The blonde, extremely frustrated, said, “How do you even know I’m a blonde?!” The man replied, in a calm voice:
“For starters that’s not a TV, that’s a microwave.”

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An old man is sitting by himself at a park bench crying, when along walks a police officer. With genuine concern the police officer approaches the old man, “is everything OK sir?”
The old man looks up, “no it’s not, every morning I wake up to a beautiful 22 year old blonde, we make passionate love and then she cooks me breakfast with bacon, sausages, eggs and everything else I love. After that she gives me a bath, taking care of all the extra details.
She then makes me lunch which is followed by some more passionate love. In the evening she cooks me dinner and before we go to bed we have some crazy wild sеx.”
The police officer scratching his head, “well what on earth could be wrong with that? what are you so upset about?”
The old man looks up with clear frustration and defeat, “I can’t remember where I live”.

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A man in an office sees a blonde next to a fax machine crying her eyes out. He asks her what’s wrongs and she says
“It’s this machine! I can’t get it to send a fax!”
The man shows her how to do and the piece of paper goes through the machine, at this the blonde sobs loudly again and says “But it’s still here!”

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Anant: I can't marry you. My family members don't agree.
Blonde: Who's there in you family, who is opposing ?
Anant: My wife and 2 kids.

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A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said,
"Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?

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If pink and glitter were vitamins blondes would be the healthiest people alive.

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A Blonde is walking down the street with her left тiт hanging out.
A police car pulls up and says,”Miss, put your left вrеаsт back in your top or I will arrest you”
The Blonde looks down and says,”Oh fuск….. I’ve left the baby on the bus again”.

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Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? Because she threw out all the веnт ones.

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A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the dаrn tomatoes won’t ripen. There’s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she’s getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says,”Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?”
Her neighbor replies,”Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.”
She says Well, what the heck it can’t hurt to try it.
Next day her neighbor asks how it worked.
“So so,” she answers. “The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”

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Do you think when sеxy blondes go on роrn websites they get adverts popping up saying, “A fат guy from nearby wants to have sеx with you”?

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A blonde was very cold, so she sat next to the candle.
She was still cold, but she was so cold that she couldn't move!
She screamed until her boyfriend came.
Then her boyfriend lit the candle.

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What do Blondes do immediately after sеx?
5% sleep straight away
5% go to bathroom to wash
5% read a book
85% go look for their vibrators!!

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A blonde went fishing and there was a hole in her boat where water was leaking through. To fix it she made another hole in the boat to drain the water.

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Always tired
A blonde goes to her doctor Anant complaining that she is
Exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the Anant gets around to asking her how often she has inтеrсоursе. "Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says. The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday. "I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my husband!"

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À brunette was walking along the creek and saw a blonde across the creek. She asked her how did you get on the other side. The blonde looked at her surroundings and replied you are on the other side.

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Why does a blond wear a tight skirt? To keep here legs closed.

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A blonde woman gets pulled over by a female cop who is also a blonde. “License and registration” says the officer. The young blonde rummages through her bag and pulls out a small mirror looks at her reflection and says, “found it! It has my picture. ” she hands it over to the officer, after studying the mirror for a moment, the blonde officer hands back the mirror and says, “im sorry ma’am you’re free to go, I didn’t realize your were a cop too”.
The blonde replies,” wow, me neither.”

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I was walking along the street with my wife when this blonde approached me “Dave?” she enquired “remember me we went back to my place after the nightclub a few weeks ago?”
Had I had any other occupation other than a taxi driver I don’t think I’d have talked my way out of that one.

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