Blonde Jokes

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A blonde was in the hairdressers and she says, “My boyfriend has an itchy, flaky scalp, can you recommend anything”?
The hairdresser says “Have you tried “Head and Shoulders”, that should do the trick”
The blonde says “Oh, I never thought of that,……………err, how do you give shoulders”?

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After chatting up this fit blonde in the club last night, I pulled out my phone..
“Do you think I could have your number?” I asked.
“Well, maybe.” She replied. “But it’d be a hеll of a coincidence.”

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Three blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were.
The first blonde said, “I think they’re deer tracks!”
The second blonde said, “I think they’re dog tracks!”
The third blonde said, “Well, I think they’re соw tracks!”
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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There is a blond a brenet and a red head they all go hunting and the first one that goes hunting is the brenet so she goes and comes back with a rabbit and the others ask "how did you do that?!" and she said I found tracks followed tracks and got the rabbit so the redhead says "let me see that!" she goes and she comes and the blond says "how did you do that?!" and she says found track followed tracks got the rabbit so the blond takes the gun and goes and comes back with no gun no rabbit with a broken arm eye ball poping out and they ask her what happened and she said found tracks got hit by a train

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A Blonde a brunet and a redhead are about to be executed the brunet goes up first the executioner yells ready aim and the brunet yells earthquake the brunet escapes then its the redheads turn the executioner yells ready aim the redhead yells tornado she escapes too then the blonds goes up she knows what the other 2 did the executioner yells ready aim and the blonde yells fire...... think about it and kickass if you get it

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A blonde female cop pulls over another female blonde. The cop say "Can i have you're license mam?". The blonde looks in her purse for 2 minutes and gets mad and says " What does it look like?"
The cop says "Its square with you're face on it.". The blonde keeps looking. She finds a square mirror and looks in it, and her reflection is there. She hands it to the cop. The cop looks and says "Oh i didn't realize you were a cop.".

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Anna 2 Mom: Mom I have started loving a Boy!
Mom angry: What?? How old is he? What does he do?
Anna: He is 3 months old. Happily kicking in my stomach.

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A blonde couple went to adopt a child.
Assistant:How can I help you
Couple:We want to adopt a baby
Assistant:Come and take a look. Couple:Ooohhh this chinese baby is cute but will come get it later
Assistant:why not now?
Couple:First we'll have to learn how to speak Chinese.

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My blonde girlfriend was attempting a crossword.
She asked, “Any ideas what this is? I’m stuck. Opposite of easy, four letters starts with an H and ends with a D.”
“That’s Hard.” I smiled.
“I know” She replied, “I’ve been stuck on it for hours.”

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How is Santa Claus like a smart blonde? They both don't exist

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A blonde is out walking in the forest when she is attacked by two men. Suddenly, an avenging hero in a black mask and flowing black cape jumps out of the bushes waving a sword and successfully chases off the two men. The blonde is thrilled to bits, falling instantly in love with her gallant rescuer.
“I hope you will never forget who rescued you,” says the hero as he uses his sword to draw a large ‘Z’ on the forest floor.
“Oh thank you!” says the blonde. “Thank you, Superman!”

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A blond told her friend that she was done with men for life. “They lie, they cheat and they’re just no good. From now on when I want sеx, I’m going to use my viвrатоr”
“So, what do you do when the batteries run out?” asked her friend.
“I’ll just fake an оrgаsм like always.”

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Why do blonde girls have bruises around their belly button cuz blonde guys aren't that smart either

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were waiting for an elevator.
On the floor, next to the elevator door, was a tiny puddle of milky liquid.
The brunette notices it first and says, “Oh my God, that looks like sемеn.”
The redhead bends down and sniffs, “Oh my God, this smells like sемеn.”
The blonde gets down on one knee, dips her finger in it, and sticks the finger in her mouth to taste it and blurts out, “It’s not anybody from our building.”

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A Blonde's nursery rhyme:
One two lets sсrеw,
Three four I'm a whоrе,
Five six suск the diск,
Seven eight еjасulате,
Nine ten fuск me again.

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What's the difference between a blond girl and a brick wall?
The brick wall only gets laid once

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How to confuse a blonde: draw a circle on the ground and tell them to find the corner.

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What do you give the blonde that has everything? Penicillin.

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Brunette, Redhead and Blonde entered into a game show. The host explained the rules, “I am going to say jokes for a hour straight and whoever doesn’t laugh at the end receives $5000.00!”
The host starts and after 15 minutes the redhead is out. He continues and after 40 minutes the brunette is out. When the clock hits 59 minutes he gives up on making the blonde laugh. All of a sudden the blonde starts laughing, “Why are you cracking up now, all you had was one more minute to win the prize and I didn’t even tell a joke now?” He asks. She replies, “I know, but I just got the first joke!”

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1. Why was the blonde exited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months? Because the box said 2-4 years
2. Why did the blonde sell her car? She needed gas money
3. What do u do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin, and throw it back
4. why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? To remind themselves that TOES GO IN FIRST.
5. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree
6. How do you amuse a blonde for hours? Give her a sheet of paper that says "please turn over" on both sides
7. What did the blonde bring to the super bowl? A spoon
8. What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.
9. What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? She's trying to hold onto a thought
10. What does a blonde do when you say "it's chilly outside"? She grabs a bowl
11. What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet? Last years hide and seek champion
12. What did the blonde name her pet zebra? Spot

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