Blonde Jokes

Most popular in this category

When my girlfriend twerks it makes the whole world rumble

0 0

Back in the heyday of drive-in theaters, Hopkins, Minnesota police were suspicious of a car parked in the vast theater parking lot in January for several days, so they checked it out. (Mind you this was just west of Minneapolis, Minnesota.)
They found a blonde frozen to death
She had gone to the drive-in to see “Closed for the Season.”

0 0

Miss Jones, we can’t employ you as a model,” the editor from the men’s magazine explained. “It’s too obvious that your blonde hair isn’t natural, since the hair between your legs is black.”
The model picked up a paperweight and slammed it down on the editor’s fingers.
“What the hеll did you do that for!” he exploded.
She smiled sweetly and said, “Look at your fingers. They’re turning black, right? And they’ve only been banged once.”

0 0

After 25 years of marriage, a husband took a long look at his wife one day and said:
"Twenty-five years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, and I slept on a sofa bed, but I got to sleep every night with a sеxy twenty-six year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, a nice car and a big bed, but I'm sleeping with a fifty-one year old woman. It seems that you're not pulling your weight."
She replied calmly:
"Then why don't you go out and find a sеxy twenty-six year old blonde? And when you do, I'll make sure once again that you'll be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed."

0 0

Anna turns to old captain and says, ‘When was the last time you made love to a woman?’
Captain thinks for a moment then says, ‘1947.’ ‘Good heavens,’ says Anna. ‘That’s a very long time ago.’ Captain "Not exactly. It's just 2130 now"

0 0

Male job interviewer:
"Last name?"
Attractive blonde interviewee:
"Pelling... P... E... L... L... I... N... G..."
Interviewer:
"Marital status ?"
Interviewee:
"Single, no kids."
Interviewer, after pausing to 'check her out', asks:
"Are you purposely miss-spelling?"

0 0

A blonde went on a tour on an old steam train that took the passengers through mountains and tunnels.
As the train approached a tunnel, the conductor hurriedly walked through the coaches warning passengers,
“Tunnel ahead. Look out!”
The blonde quickly stuck her head out the window, and her forehead met with the concrete entrance of the tunnel.
After being revived 15 minutes later, the blonde’s words were:
“That sтuрid SOB! He should have told me to look IN!”

0 0

The mechanic was just finishing the blonde’s car service when he said to the apprentice, “Just pass me the lubricant will you please, Tim?”
“Oh dear,” said the watching blonde. “Can’t I just pay cash?”

0 0

Pakistani to his Wife:
Our pathan watchman is casanova. He has f*ckd every woman in our buildng excpt one.
Wife: It must be Lady on 4th floor. She is very religious.

0 0

One day a blonde stopped at a stop sign then a cop came down and said mam you have been sitting her for four hours what are you doing the blonde said waiting for the stop sign to say go.

0 0

80000 blondes meet up for a ' BLONDS ARE NOT DUMB ' Convention. There are many reporters here and there is one main announcer. So the announcer calls up one volunteer blonde to ask some simple questions to. One blonde reluctantly comes on stage. The announcer asks her " What is 124 + 26 ".
After thinking for about 15 minutes she gets very excited and answers " 55 ".
The announcer says that the answer is wrong and then the whole convention is depressed. Suddenly the whole convention erupts with the chant " GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE" .
So the announcer thinks it cant be worse so he asks an easier question " What is 16 + 4"
The blonde on stage goes into very very deep thought and after about half an hour she smiles goes " 25 "
Again the whole convention goes " GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE" .
Now the announcer feels he is doing more harm than good but still asks " What is 10 + 10 " .
She is depressed but tries again. She puts her utmost efforts and after an hour says " 20 ".
" Give her another chance.. Give her another chance ! "

0 0

As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this sеxy blonde in a short skirt, I couldn’t resist a quick glance at her knickers.
“Hey cheeky!” she said as she gave me a playful kick. “I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls’ skirts isn’t it?”
“That’s an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam,” I said sternly. “I don’t work here”

0 0

Anant: And therefore, sреrм cells are made up of fructose. So its sweet to taste.
Blonde: But it doesn't even taste like that... Anant: Because sweetness taste buds are situated at tip of tongue inlt

0 0

A blonde walks into a doctors office with a gunshot wound in her hand. The doctor asks, "How did this happen?" She replies,
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide. I stuck the gun to my head and then... Just before I pulled the trigger... I thought, this is going to be loud. So I covered my other ear before pulling the trigger"..... Ab!!!!!

0 0

There are three girls. A redhead, a brunette and a blonde. They're at the gates of heaven and God was waiting. God said,"there are one hundred steps and for each step there will be a joke if you laugh at it you go to hеll."
The redhead went first and got to joke eight before she busted up laughing she went to hеll. The brunette went next and got to joke eighty-two before she busted up laughing so, she went to hеll. The blonde got to joke one hundred and started laughing before God told the final joke and said,"why are you laughing I haven't even told the joke yet?" The blonde said," I just got joke 1."

0 0

One guy to another; they say brunettes have a sweeter disposition than blondes and redheads. Don’t believe it! My wife has been all three, and I couldn’t see any difference.

0 0

What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini? You don't let your friends borrow your Lamborghini.

0 0

Two people are texting. One is called Stacy who is blonde and the other is called Rachel who is a brunette.
Rachel: Hey sorry I lost my phone I can't text right now.
Stacy: Well can you PLEASE find it I really want to text you... you are my best friend!!!
Rachel: You're an idiот.
Stacy: Umm I'm not the one who lost my phone can you just text me when you find it?
Rachel: You're such a blonde. Read my first text again.
Stacy: IK !!! FIND YOUR PHONE !!!

0 0

A brunette was walking down some train tracks saying "21, 21, 21..." repeatedly. A blonde saw her and began to follow along. After a moment the blonde asked,
"Whatchya doin?" The brunette said "counting" and went back to chanting 21. The blonde asked if she could join the brunette and the brunette said "sure, hop up onto the tracks."
Both girls walked down the track saying 21 over and over. Eventually a train started coming down the tracks, horn blaring. When the rails started to rumble the brunette jumped down and walked away to a safe distance. A few seconds later the train hit the blonde, throwing her far out into the field dead.
After the train passed the brunette hopped back onto the tracks and resumed walking. Now, however, she chanted "22, 22, 22..."

0 0

My mate Dave the fireman was in a burning building the other day when he came across a trapped sеxy вusтy 19 year old blonde.
He said “you’re the 4th pregnant woman I’ve rescued this year”
She said “I’m not pregnant”
Dave said, “yeah, and you’re not fсuкing rescued yet either”

0 0