Dad Jokes - Page 29

My dad drives so slow that when we're on the highway, Amish people give us the finger.

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It's dinner time. Mom tell her 4 year old son to give a call to his dad to get home early for dinner together.
Mom:
"Son, please give your father a call and tell him to come back early, we'll having dinner together"
Son:
"Yes ,mom."
A moment later... Dialing...
Son:
" Mom... Someone had pick up the call... But..."
Mom:
"But what?"
Son:
"It sounds like a..."
Mom:
"Any problem with that?"
Son:
"No mom..."
Mom:
"So?"
Son:
"Hmm..."
Mom:
"Make sure tell your dad to come back early..."
Son:
"Yeah... But... That's not dad, is... A women's voice..."
Mom:
"What!!!"
His mom getting angry with this... Soon,daddy went home.
Dad:
"Hey darling,I'm back..."
Mom(angry):
"Make sure to clean yourself first! Don't try to lie in this family!!!"
Dad:
"Hey??? What I've done....?"
They argue for a long time... Dad goes straight to his room and mom sits on the sofa.
After a while...
Son:
"Mom, please don't angry..."
Mom:
"Your father betrayed us, he had another women... (mom crying)
Son:
"Don't cry mom, father won't leave us and the women told me to try later..."
Mom:
"Gosh!!! what else she told you?"
Son: She told me that, "The number you've dial is out of coverage, please try later."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

"Dad, where did I come from?" asks this 10-years-old. The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next two hours he explained every thing to his son. When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted his question to which his son replied, "I was talking to the new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio, so I was just wondering where I came from."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

“So”, thundered Larry’s furious father, “you’ve been expelled from college, have you?
“Yes, Dad. I am a fugitive from a brain gang.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

Dad: Hey son, how much feet do two chickens have?
Son: Four.
Dad: How much teeth do two cats have?
Son: I dunno.
Dad: Strange, you know more about соск than рussy.

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Ok, first date, don't sсrеw this up.
Girl: So where are you from?
Me: My dad's nuts; ever been there?
Damn it!

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Dad Jokes

A kid has a shower with his mom and says dont look up so he does and said mommy whats that the mum said the garage sweetie
The next day the kid has a shower with his dad and the dad said dont look up so he did and he said whats that daddy the dad said the harley
That night the kid sleeps in his mom and dads bed and the dad comes in a says copme on time to move i have to park the harley in the garage and the little boy said i just did that daddy

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Mother said to the father "please have a word our son, I found a stack of роrnо magazines under his bed."
The father walks into the son's bed room "Son you must stop looking at роrnо magazines, they'll make you go blind."
"I'm over here dad".

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Dad Jokes

A girl has a sleepover with 3 guys. Then her dad comes down and paints her vаginа purple. He tells the boys,"I'm going to sleep. When I come back i'm going to check and see if any of you had sеx with my daughter." An hour later, he wakes up and checks everybody. When he checks the first two boys their penises are purple so he knows they had sеx with his daughter. When he checks the last guy his diск is clean. The dad says "Good job."
When the third boy opens his mouth to say thanks, his mouth is purple!

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

Son - "Dad, I'm gаy."
Dad - "I had sеx with your mom."
Son - "Huh?"
Dad - "Sorry, I thought we were talking about things that were stupidly obvious."

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Insult Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

A kid went to the police department to report about his stolen bicycle.
OFFICER: Are you suspicious about anyone who would steal it?
KID: My parents, I guess. Because in the night I heard dad saying:
"Нuмр on it before Derek wakes up!"

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Police Officer Jokes Dad Jokes

Playing I spy with my dad when I was younger:
Dad: I spy something gray.
Little sister: Your hair!
Dad: I spy something adopted!

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Dad Jokes

A little girl and a little boy are sitting in the sand pit.
They are showing their private parts.
They both ask each other "what is it?"
They both replied "I don't know?"
So that same day when the boy went home he asked his dad what it was his dad said "It's a red farahri you can park it in any pink garage."
The girl asked her mom what hers was and her mom said "It's a pink a garage don't let any red a farahri park in it!"
The next day the girl came home with blood all over her hands.
Her mom said "whats that?"
Girl: Blood!"
Mom:
"From what?"
Girl:
"A red farahri tried to park in my pink garage so i pulled his wheels off!"

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

SON: How does a vаginа looks likes, dad?
DAD: Well, it's pink, soft,tight.
SON: How about after sеx?
DAD: Have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonnaise?

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

My friend:
"You have terrible aim"
Me:
"Yea, well if you dad had better aim we wouldn't have to deal with you, now would we"

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Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

How Fast Can You Guess These Short Words You Probably Use Every Day?
1. F__ k
2. Pu_s_
3. S_x
4. P_n_s
5. Boo_s
6. __ Ndom
Answers
1. Fork
2. Pulse
3. Six
4. Pants
5. Books
6. Random
Scoring
6 Correct: You're doing great! A young and supple mind.
5 Correct: You're still OK: everyone can miss ONE now and then.
4 Correct: You're past your prime, dad.
3 Correct: You're past your prime, grandma.
2 Correct: You really need to see your doctor.
1 Correct: You're probably already being seen by a doctor.
0 Correct: What a pervert!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes

Guy: Haha your a fail
Me: Just like your dad's соndом and your mom's abortion

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Insult Jokes Dad Jokes

There was this little boy about 10 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a whоrе house and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said,
"I want to have sеx with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked,
"Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said no. He said,"I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want!" Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked,
"Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said,
"Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sеx with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sеx, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, because that dамn mailman is the son-of-a-bi*ch who ran over my FROG!"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

There was a person sitting on the park bench. Some kids ran past and called him a motherf*cker. He didn't know what it was so he went he and asked his mother. His mother was startled so she said it means guests or friends. The next day some people said he was a рussy. Again he asked his mother and she said it was food. A few days later he heard a conversation and some said"having sеx."He asked his mum and she said getting ready. His girlfriend and her paremts came and he told them"hello motherf*ckers,рussy is on the the table. Mm and dad are having sеx.

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Kids Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

One day a little boy and a little girl were taking a bath because they didn't know what anything meant yet. The little girl looked down and saw the boys реnis and asked "what's that?". The boy said "i don't know i will ask my daddy.". And then the boy looked down and saw her vаginа and asked "what's that?". The girl said "i don't know, i will ask my mommy.". So they both go home and ask there parents.
The boy said "daddy what's this?". His dad said "son that's your car, you try and put it in a girls garage.". The boy said oh and ran upstairs to play.
The girl said "mommy what's this?'. The mom said "honey that's your garage, you don't let boys park there cars in there.". The girl said "oh." and ran upstairs to play.
The next day the little boy and girl were takink another bath and told eachother what there parents said. The boy remembering what his dad said tried to put his 'car' in her 'garage'.
A couple minutes later the girl ran home crying with blood all over her. The mom said "honey what happened?!?!?". The girl said "a boy tried to put his car in my garage so i slit his back tires!!!".

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes