Dirty jokes

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Q. What’s the difference between a bl0w job and a pizza?
A. When you order a pizza you have the option to pay by credit card.

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Dirty jokes

Please cooperate otherwise it gonna look like rаре.

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Dirty jokes

Daddy, can I get in the shower with you?
Sure but don't look down.
Daddy what's that?
My Ferrari?
Mommy, can I get in the shower with you?
Sure but don't look down.
Mommy what's that?
My garage?
Mommy, daddy, can I get in bed with you?
Sure but don't look under the covers.
Daddy, why is your Ferrari in mommy's garage?
....

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Dirty jokes

A girl walks into a laundry mat puts a sеxy black dress in the dryer
And on her way out the girl at the desk says come again and the girl says no its tooth paste this time b*tch

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Dirty jokes

I'll try to keep the air emissions to a minimum.

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Dirty jokes

My son -- not really born for a romantic or on purpose kind of reasons, just ran out of condoms. Cute story. Can't wait til that comes up when he's older, you know. 'Daddy, tell me about when I was born.'
'Well, son, it all started when Walgreens wouldn't take a check.'

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Dirty jokes

A man gets his wallet and walks to the fornt door, his wife sees him and calls,
"Baby where are you going?" he replies,
"A sтriр club with my mates"
She replies
"But baby I can sтriр for you for free"
He replies
"Ok then" the husband goes on his phone and begins texting.
Wife says,
"So are you telling them you aren't coming?"
He shakes his head and replies
"No I am bringing them over here"

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

Tried аnаl last night, it’s f*cking shiт!

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Dirty jokes

Women think that men know how to communicate because when we meet you and start dating you, we talk a lot. Do you want to know why? Because we're trying to sleep with you. That's why. But we use all that up right away. That's why, after a month, we're like, 'Hey, do you like me? Because I'm out of material. Have I said or done anything in the last month that you like? Let me know. I'll say it again.'

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

Little boy: *pulls down pants* Whats this?
Dad: Those are your prized jewels. Dont let girls touch them.
Little boy: Okay!
The next day
*little boy comes in shocked*
Dad: What happened?!
Little boy: The little girl from next door tried to feel my jewels so i felt hers
Dad: ...

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

SON: Hey dad remember when I killed that butterfly and you said no butter for a week
Dad: yeah?
SON: and when I killed that honeybee you said no honey for a week
DAD: And
SON: Yeah, well mum just killed a cockroach should I break it to her?
Dad: ......

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

In some ways, all men are the same. For example, why do you all like to have sеx first thing in the morning? Do we smell good first thing in the morning? 'Cause you don't.

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

So, it's National Coming Out Day. I'm walking through Dallas/Fort Worth airport. I got my National Coming Out Day t-shirt on 'cause I'm proud -- got a sweatshirt on over that 'cause I'm smart.

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Nationality Jokes Dirty jokes

A friend of mine recently got a tattoo, which I thought was really cool because I don't have the guts to do it myself... And I asked her where she got it. And she told me she got it on her vаginа. And I said, 'Why? Why on God's green earth would you do such a thing?' And she said, 'Well, men find it sеxy.' OK, if you're at the point where a man is looking at your nакеd gеniтаls, guess what -- you got the job.

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God Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

Me: Say "I am a man" after everything I say.
Friend: Alright.
Me: You broke up with your girlfriend.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You decided to get drunк.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You went to the bar.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You found a hot chick there.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You invited her to your house and she said yes.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You both came into your room and had sеx.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: Next morning you wake up.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: And she says...
Friend: I am a man.

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

A scientific study has recently shown the best form of defence against a rарisт is running away. Apparently men with pants around their ankles can’t run very fast.

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

A baby sitter was baby siting a little girl and the little girl asked the baby sitter if she could take a shower with him the baby sitter said no the girl sayed but its my birthday please. the baby sitter said ok fine they took a showed and the little girl looked down and asked what is that the baby sitter said my monster
Later that night the baby sitter feel asleep and woke up in the hospital and asked what happed and she said I was petting your monster and it bit me so I bite its head off

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Dirty jokes

What's your sign? I hope it's "Yield."

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Dirty jokes

Ноrny GF- Kiss me in a place I've never been kissed before.
Dumb BF- So like, Canada?

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Dirty jokes

My third planet is misaligned. Can you adjust it for me?

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Dirty jokes