Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

He was such a big baby that the doctor was afraid to slap him.

14 0

A famous boxer must be operated by appendicitis.
From the operation room the doctor gets out holding himself to the walls with a bruised eye and says:
A can’t do this anymore!
I try to anesthetize him, I count until 9 and he gets up and starts punching me...

14 0

Sports Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor:
- Help me, please. I have a knife in my back.
The doctor, looking his watch says:
- Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you.
Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8.
- But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now.
The doctor, angrily says:
- I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you.
You must pass here tomorrow.
- But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead.
Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back.
The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye.
- Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.

14 1

Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A boxer is whining to the doctor that he can’t sleep.
I won’t give you any drugs, you don’t need any.
Use the classical method, the one with counting the sheep’s.
I tried.
But, every time I get to 9 I jump off the bed.

14 0

Sports Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Drug Jokes

The reason Chuck Norris has never been a doctor on House is because, he would find the diagnosis in one second.
It'd always be Norris Anger Disease.

14 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fат kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.

14 0

Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Fat Jokes

"Where did you born?"
"At the hospital!"
"Don’t tell me! And what were you in for?"

14 0

Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Doctor: We're going to have to remove your colon
Me Why?

15 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes

Woman: Doctor, where are we going?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor.
Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

15 0

Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man visits his doctor and says, doctor, I keep seeing green Martians before my eyes.
The doctor asks have you seen a psychiatrist?
The patient says,
"No Only green Martians!"

15 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

Jack:
"My brother was sick and went to the doctor."
John:
"Is he feeling better now?"
Jack:
"No, he has a broken arm."
John:
"How did he break it?"
Jack:
"Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew out of the window."
John:
"How did he break his arm?"
Jack:
"He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription."

15 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes

Blonde Overdue
A blonde goes into a library and cheerfully says,
"Hi! I'm here to see the doctor!"
In a stern, but hushed voice, the librarian says,
"Miss, this is a library."
So the blonde lowers her voice and says,
"Oh sorry!"
Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor.

15 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes

Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face.
Nobody would survive anyway.

15 0

Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Political Jokes

A blonde, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a brunette, a redhead, a lawyer, a rabbi, a musician, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman an American, A Russian, an Iraqi, Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin, George W Bush, Osama Bin laden and Barack Obama walked into a bar.
The barman said,
"Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"

15 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Priest Jokes Nurse jokes Lawyer Jokes

One day a Blonde went the doctor with a burn on her stomach.
The doctor gasped and asked what happened. the Blonde told the doctor she put a lighter against her stomach.
The doctor asked her why in the world she would do that. the blond said "I was trying to burn calories."

15 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes

2 friends were camping out one night, when all of the sudden one of them jumps up screaming, "A SNAKE JUST BIT ME ON THE TIP OF MY РЕNIS!!".
The other friend said,
"Don't worry, I am going to town to find a doctor, I will be right back!".
So he goes to town, and finally finds a doctor.
"Doctor!! My friend just got bit by a snake!!!" the friend says. "It's ok", the doctor says,
"All you have to do is suск the poison out.".
The friend says thank you, and runs back to the camp site. The injured friends asks, "WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?"
The other friend replies,
"Doctor said you gonna die!"

16 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem.
As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.
"I'm so ashamed, and dirтy Doctor," she said,
"I guess I let myself go."
The physician was checking hers eyes and ears.
"Don't feel ashamed, Miss.
You don't look that bad."
"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.
The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said,
"Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

16 0

Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes

The patient went to his doctor for a checkup, and the doctor wrote out a prescription for him in his usual illegible writing. The patient put it in his pocket, but he forgot to have it filled.
Every morning for two years, he showed it to the conductor as a railroad pass. Twice, it got him into the movies, once into the baseball park, and once into the symphony.
He got a raise at work by showing it as a note from the boss.
One day, he mislaid it. His daughter picked it up, played it on the piano, and won a scholarship to a conservatory of music.

16 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes

Husband: Doctor, doctor, every day my wife tries to wash the car?
Doctor: What's wrong with that? Most husbands would love to have their wives wash the car.
Husband: In the bathtub?

16 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

“A surgeon who does a cut-rate operation is a cheap doctor.”

16 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes