Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

“Did you hear about the doctor who was going from full time to part time? He was either losing his patients or getting a bit out of practice.”

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A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they went all the way back to the Garden of Eden. The doctor said,
"The medical profession is clearly the oldest because Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was an incredible surgical feat."The architect did not agree. He said,
"But if you look at the Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that, the Garden and the world were created. So God must have been an architect."The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said,
"Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"-

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

As a doctor, I never make a joke about an unvaccinated baby. But let me give it a shot.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A blonde goes to her doctor and says that every time she drinks a coffee her eye hurts. The doctor prepared her a hot, fresh cup of coffee to see what really happens. She took a sip of the coffee and screamed, "Ouch, that hurts!" The doctor said,
"I know your problem." The blonde asked,
"Is it bad, doctor?" The doctor replied, "No, you just need to take your spoon out of your cup before you drink your coffee."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes

Wife orders the husband to go to mother-in-law to pick her up for her doctor's appointment.
The husband drove to mother-in-law's house and saw her busy chattering
With the neighbor's young wife. He came and reminded her of doctor's appointment and ask her to be quick.
The mother-in-law would not give up blabbering to the neighbor so after couple reminders the husband came held her from the arm and drag her to the car saying, "Sorry mom you can't miss your health appointment, I had to do it."
The mother-in-law defended, "You know that woman, she simply would not stop listening to me."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A doctor says "The good news is it's all in your head."
"The bad news is it's brain cancer."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Patient:
"How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?"
Doctor:
"Fifty rupees."
Patient:
"Fifty ruppes, for only a few second’s work?"
Doctor:
"Well, I will do it very slowly."
Patient:
"How much is for the operation?"
Doctor:
"Rupees on thousand."
Patient:
"But it was a serious one."
Doctor:
"Nonsense. You can’t buy a serious operation for Rupees one Thousand now-a days."

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

My wife is so кinкy, when she was born, the doctor slapped her bottom to make her cry, and she said "Don't forget to pull my hair" I accidentally swallowed some WhiteOut last night.
Woke up with a massive correction.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Three medical students were discussing what specialties they were planning to go into when they finished school.
One said,
"I want to be a brain surgeon. That's the frontier, the cutting edge of medicine, where so many discoveries are being made."
The second said,
"I want to be a heart surgeon. There are so many people who need that kind of help; look at all the good I could do."
The third said he wanted to be a dermatologist. When the others had finished laughing, they asked him why on earth he wanted to be a skin doctor.
"Listen," he replied. "Your patients never die, they never get well, and they never get you up at night."

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School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

"You see, doctor, I’m always dizzy for half an hour after I get up in the morning,” said Carla.
“Well, try getting up half an hour later,” said the doctor.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Why do pills work? Because they're white.

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Three guys are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are in labor. The doctor goes up to the first guy and says,
"Your wife gave birth to two kids."
"Wow, that is a coincidence because I was in the two towers movie," he replies. The doctor goes up to the second guy.
"Your wife gave birth to five kids."
"Wow, that's a coincidence because I work at five guys," he said.
The doctor sees the third guy crying.
"Why are you crying?" he asked.
The third guy said "I work at the 99 steakhouse."

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A family went to a hospital, where one of their relatives would be having a brain transplant. One of the relatives asked,
"What will the cost of a new brain be?" The doctor replied, "A female brain costs $25,000 and a male brain costs $50,000." The men smirked, but one of the females asked,
"Why is that, doctor?"
"Well," the doctor replied,” the female brain is less because it has been used."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Having a rough day?
Just in case you've had a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts. The funny thing is that it really works.
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world,".
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.
8. See, you're smiling already.

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.
Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So, I looked around my house to see things I started, and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a рот of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines, and a box of Godiva Chocolates.
You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

After dying in a car crash, three friends find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven. Each one was asked,
"When you are in your casket, what would you like to hear your friends and family saying about you?"
Sean says,
"I would like to hear them say I was a great doctor and a great family man."
Karl says,
"I would like to hear them say I was a wonderful husband and an excellent teacher who made a difference in children's lives."
Juan says,
"I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes