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Food Jokes

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What do you call a baby in an oven?
My next meal
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How did the Hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her sons diск tasted funny.
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So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
“Wait a minute” I said.
This distinctly tastes like horse semen
Then it clicked.
“Ah, so that’s how you died”
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1 your so dumb you thing Cheerios are donut seeds!
Your so fат you could sell shade!
Your just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4 you been shopping lately because there selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a сriме, you would get a life sentence !!
Are these good
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On a first date last night my date asked, ‘So, what do you do?’
Frowning, I held up the menu and said ‘you just choose something from this book of food’
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Your mom so fат..
Her favorite jewellery is the food chain
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My mother used to always say "give your food a rinse before you eat it."
Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches.
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I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you...
I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...
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My brother didn't like jail
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces.
After that, we never played Monopoly again.
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What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life?
A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.
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Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's?
Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food...
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What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
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There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl’s house. When he got there, he said to her father “thank you for this moment, have a great night”. At the dance, the girl asks the boy, “can I have some food?” He gladly replies “yes” and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, “thank you so much, I really needed something to eat”. Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, “thank you SOOOO much” Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, “what is it?” She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
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What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don’t get them!
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Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
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The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer.
Luckily I already fled the country.
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Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sеx but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. Tomato means harder and cheese means faster. So we were having sеx and she was screaming tomato tomato tomato cheese cheese cheese, then my little brother said can y’all stop making sandwiches your getting mayonnaise all over my bed.
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On 9/11 the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas, one came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.
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Bully: nobody loves you
Me: aww it must have hurt when your mom told you that.
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A black hole walks into a bar
A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.
The black hole says,
"No thanks, I'm a light eater."
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