Food Jokes

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I’m hosting an African-themed party tonight.
There’s no food and the drinks are twelve miles awaay.

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I’ve just seen an advert saying that it’s illegal to bring food into the U. K. if it comes from a non European country.
If drug dealers can get thousands of pounds worth of hеrоin past customs, I think I’ll take a my chances with a fuскing mango.

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Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

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Here about the kid who at 5 cans of alphabet soup in one sitting?
They say he later had a massive 'vowel' movement.

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Why should you never give a bear alot of food?
Because they won't be able to bear it all.

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She says to me, 'When I go on road trips, I like to eat only at Denny's and analogues of Denny's.' Now, 'analogue,' if you don't know, means 'the same as.' I had no idea. In fact, I'm so unused to hearing the word 'analogue' that I thought she said 'anagram,' and I spent the next 15 minutes trying to think of the name of the restaurant that had all the letters of Denny's in it arranged differently.

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I like to go to fast food restaurants and order stuff they don't have. Got to try that. Go to Burger King or something -- 'Hey, Burger King! Have it my way, huh? Woo! Look at that menu... Ah, let me have the catfish dinner with brussel sprouts, two biscuits and a Coors Light.'

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People are lot less judgy when you say you ate an 'avocado salad' instead of a bowl of guacamole.

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I’ve made myself a girlfriend out of plastic food wrap.
She’s a bit clingy.

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I think the holidays are important because that's when you go home and do some alcoholic drinking and compulsive overeating with your dysfunctional families.

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I could not find a frozen chicken big enough for my family dinner. I asked the young man behind the butcher counter if these chickens got any larger?
He replied, "I'm afraid not, they are all dead."

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Does anybody else's grandparents eat the fake food? My grandfather was the worst because he had bad eyes and he was always hungry. I'm in a restaurant one time, we go to the men's room -- my grandfather was standing by the соndом machine going, 'Hey, this gum has got no flavor.'

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Wife: I hate that beggar.
Husband: Why?
Wife: That rascal, yesterday I gave him food and today he gave me a Cookbook!

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People:
"I love it when my boyfriend tells me he loves me."
Me:
"I love it when my microwave tells me my food is ready."

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There was a person sitting on the park bench. Some kids ran past and called him a motherf*cker. He didn't know what it was so he went he and asked his mother. His mother was startled so she said it means guests or friends. The next day some people said he was a рussy. Again he asked his mother and she said it was food. A few days later he heard a conversation and some said"having sеx."He asked his mum and she said getting ready. His girlfriend and her paremts came and he told them"hello motherf*ckers,рussy is on the the table. Mm and dad are having sеx.

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Treat a gamer like you would treat a tomato. Give them food and drink and don't leave them in direct sunlight.

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Yo momma so sтuрid, she tried to mail a letter using food stamps.

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If sеx were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head.

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Three boys were discussing their fathers' favorite foods. The first kid said his father loves to eat burgers. The second boy said his father loves KFC. The third boy said his father loves to eat light. The other two boys questioned how his father does that. The third boy replied, "Every night I hear my daddy tell mommy to turn off the light so he can eat it."

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"Dog food lid" spelled backwards is "dildо of god"
Carry on.

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