Friendship Jokes

I feel like you know what you're going to be good at when you're older based on what you like when you're younger. When I was younger my best friend was Tony, this kid Tony, and he loved rocks. He was always playing with rocks, counting them, and now he's a сrаск head.

0 0

Three rather deaf friends meet on the street; “Windy, isn’t it? Said one. “No, it’s Thursday,” said the second. “So am I,” said the third. “Let’s go and have a вееr.”

0 0

Friendship Jokes

You ever had a friend that's only seen 'Star Wars' one time and they're OK with it? Or they've only been to Disneyland once, they're like, 'Yeah, I went when I was 10. I don't need to go again.' Those are the same people I have sеx with. I'm like, 'You know, if you tried again you might actually have a good time.' They're like, 'I'm good. Just go.'

0 0

Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

In good weather, my friend Mark always let his yellow-naped Amazon parrot, Nicky, sit on the balcony of his tenth-floor apartment. One morning, Nicky flew away, much to Mark’s dismay. He searched and called for the bird, with no luck.
The next day when Mark returned from work, the phone rang. “Is this Mark?” The caller asked. “You’re going to think this is crazy, but there’s a bird outside on my balcony saying, ‘Hello, this is Mark.’ Then it recites this phone number and says, ‘I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you will leave a message at the tone, I will call you back.’ So I'm guessing this is your bird?”

0 0

Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

We had a little game called: If u would name ur diск after a movie...
I said 'Titanic'
My friends laughed a little and said: classic
My other friend said: The Fast And The Furious
We laughed.
My black friend said: The Dark Knight Rises
We laughed our аssеs off!
My girlfriend then said: Stealth The invisible threat...
I cried myself to sleep that night ;-;

0 0

Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

Two women are talking about marriage. One woman says:
“ I wonder if my husband will love me when my hair is gray.” “Why not? He’s loved you through three shades already.” Replied her friend.

0 0

Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. “Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” the man said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.” “That’s the same with us, the American said, “only we see stars, too.”

0 0

Men jokes Political Jokes Friendship Jokes

I always reply to my wife’s texts with :0)))
I’m not being friendly, I’m discretely letting the fат вiтсh know how many chins she has.

0 0

Friendship Jokes Fat Jokes

A man was showing his friend a new set of matched golf clubs he had just bought.
"Doctor's orders," the man told his friend. "My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs."
"What about your wife?" the friend asked. "What did you buy her?"
"A new lawn mower," the golfer said.

0 0

Sports Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A husband a wife lived very happily together. One day while the husband was at work, his friend came over. The wife opened the door and offered him some snacks. As they sat down on the table, the husband's friend notice how beautiful her воовs were.
"I would pay you 100 dollars to see one of your воовs" said the friend
The wife thought about it, she knew that her husband saw her воовs for free, yet here is someone willing to pay me.
"Yes ofcourse you can" said the wife.
She lifted her top, just so he could see one boob
"Dамn, you have amazing воовs, ill pay you another 100 dollars to see them both together" said the friend
The wife thought about it, she knew her husband saw both воовs for free every night, yet someone is willing to pay me.
"Ofcourse" she said
After the friend left, the wife quickly grabbed the 200 dollars she just earned. Suddenly her husband walks in the house unannounced.
"Hey did my friend stop by here?" the husband said
"Yes he did" said the wife
"Oh good, he also left the 200 dollars he owes me!" said the husband

0 0

Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

It's a pleasure to see you and another - not to see.

0 0

Friendship Jokes

While at the dinosaur exhibit in Disney’s Animal Kingdom park, I overheard a confused woman complaining to her friend.
She said,
"How could they possibly know the names of all those dinosaurs if they died 75 million years ago? And another thing, how do we even know they were called dinosaurs?"

0 0

Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

In prehistoric days, they had no time-telling devices. How did you get it together for a date? You don't know when to be somewhere. You show up at your friend's cave; he's all upset. 'Where were you? You were supposed to be here before.'
'I didn't say I'd be here before. I said I'd be here later. It's barely now. I'm early.'

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes

Hello bacon my old friend.
I’ve like to eat some more of you again.
Because an odor softly creeping.
Filled my dreams whilst I was sleeping.
And the taste that was planted in my brain, still remains.
Echoed within the sound of sizzling.

0 0

Friendship Jokes

The amount of people that shout “Boo!” to their friends has risen by 85%.
That’s a frightening statistic.

0 0

Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Friendship Jokes

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up…
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, ‘Things are great and I’ve never felt better.’
I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
“So what do you think about that Doc?”
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
“I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.”
One day he was setting off to go hunting.
In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.”
“As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male веаvеr sitting at the water’s edge..
He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.
Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘ваng, ваng’.”
“Miraculously, two shots rang out and the веаvеr fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that?” asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said, “Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that веаvеr.”
The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”

0 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes

I and a couple other sand niggеrs rode our camels over to the Sahara Mall today. Camels need exercise, especially in their camel humps, camel legs and camel toes.
Naturally I parked my girlfriend in the Camel Lot.
A sign said, “All camels parked here more than three hours will be towed.”
I and my friends will be gone long before three hours are up, but I’m wondering what type of vehicle they use to do a camel tow.

0 0

Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Friendship Jokes

Me: *makes a flat joke*
Friend: Wow! Want a prize for that?
Me: Yeah, why not, I can just refund it and get the money you paid for it with
Friend: How 'bout I just punch you in the face? You can't refund that!
Me: No, I'll just return that.

0 0

Money jokes Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes

Bully: Hey I bet I have more friends then you loser HA
Kid: Yep you know what... you do.
Bully: You wanna know why its cuz....
Kid: Yeah its cuz they all feel sorry for you.
Everyone Else: OOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

0 0

Kids Jokes Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes

My best old friend asked me, "How do you keep your marriage so fresh?"
I said,
"Well for the last 30 years we've done nothing together and we get along just fine! Why do you ask?"
He replied, "My wife has kind of the same idea."
"Oh?", I said.
"Yea a Divorce!"

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes