Golf jokes - Page 6

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred.
Bill's wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game.
But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired.
His wife asked,
"What's the matter, Bill?
You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now."
Bill said,
"Well, something terrible happened.
Fred had a heart attack on the first hole."
"My God, honey!" said the wife, rushing to comfort him.
"That must've been terrible!"
"It was," he said.
"All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again..."

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My son wanted me to buy him GTA
When I got to the store, I couldn't remember the title. So I told the guy "it's the game where the black guy drives cars round drunк, and shags loads of women"
He gave me a copy of tiger woods PGA golf

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Golf jokes

Just got scammed out of $15.
Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.

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Golf jokes

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the мurdеr of Juan Gonzalez.
“How was he killed” asked one detective. “With a golf gun.” Replied the second detective.
“A golf gun? What’s a golf gun?”
“I don’t know, but it sure made a hole in Juan”

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Golf jokes Mexican jokes

I invented a new golf ball that’ll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches.
Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.

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Golf jokes

What do you call a blonde at a golf course?
The 19th hole.

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Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes Golf jokes

Golfer:
"Well caddy, do you like my game?"
Caddy:
"Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf."

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Sports Jokes Golf jokes

Golfer:
"Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy:
"Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

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Sports Jokes Golf jokes

One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says,
"When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree." So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started. "Of course," added the grandpa, "when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall."

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Golf jokes

I woke up in the hospital emergency ward. The intern came over and asked me if I knew what happen to bring me to the hospital. I explained, "Well, I was playing golf with my wife. I had been having a great game but unfortunately she was not.
On the 15th tee I hit a beautiful shot, 270 yards straight down the fairway. My wife steps up and hits a tremendous slice that leaves the course and lands in the pasture out of bounds.
We both went looking for the ball. Just as we were about to give up I spotted a glint of white coming from a соw's behind, just under its tail. I lifted the tail to make sure. Then I called to my wife saying, “Here, honey, this looks like yours.”
“That was the last thing I remember.”

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Golf jokes

Bob stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.

Finally his exasperated partner asked, "what the hеll is taking so long?"

"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse," Bob explained. "I want to make a perfect shot."

"Good lord!" his companion exclaimed. "You don't have a snowball's chance in hеll of hitting her from here."

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Golf jokes

Bob and Tom both like to golf. One day Bob went to Tom and said, "Hey look at this great ball!" Tom replied, "What’s so great about it?" Bob said, "Well if you lose it, it will beep until you find it, and if it goes into the water it will float. This ball is impossible to lose!"
"Wow!", said Tom, "Where did you get that from?" Bob replied, "I found it."

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Golf jokes

Recently I went to a new golf shop in the big city. I shopped and studied and finally selected the new clubs I wanted. As I was checking out and getting ready to pay, the cashier said, "Sтriр down, facing me".

Not sure what was going on and not being used to the big city ways, I did as she asked. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader.

I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer. I still don't think I looked that bad.

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Golf jokes

After hitting his 7th ball into the water on the 4th hole, a father turns to his son and says, "It takes a lot of ball to play golf the way I do."

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Golf jokes

The duffеr muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into some other woods. Finally, after ваnging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he’d noticed that the club pro had been watching. “What club should I use now?” he asked the pro.
“I don’t know,” the pro replied. “What game are you playing?”

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Golf jokes

Joe says, "How are the golf lessons going Mike?"

"Great, I learned I am standing too close to the ball....after I hit it."

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Golf jokes

Q. What game encourages drinking and driving?
A. Golf

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Golf jokes

Travis and McGee met over a вееr in the local pub. After a while the subject of sports came up. Travis asked McGee, "Do you play golf?"
"Sure," said McGee, "I play well enough to know why they call it 'golf'."
Puzzled, Travis asks, "Why do they call it 'golf'?"
"Because," replied McGee, "that's the only 4-letter word left!!"

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Sports Jokes Golf jokes Beer Jokes

GOLF, n.

[1] a game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

[2] a game of opposites - the world's slowest people are ahead of you, and the fastest are behind.

[3] a colorful sport that keeps you on the green, in the pink, and financially in the red.

[4] a game which is allowed to be played on Sunday (under blue laws) because it was not considered a game by the law, but a form of moral effort.

[5] a game a lot like taxation - you drive hard to get to the green, and then you find yourself in a hole.

GOLF CART, n.

[1] A popular mode of transportation because, unlike a caddie, it can neither count, criticize, nor snicker.

GOLFER, n.

[1] a person who yells "fore," takes six, and puts down five;

[2] a guy who has the advantage over a fisherman - he doesn't have to bring home anything when he brags he had a great day.

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Sports Jokes Golf jokes

Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it's supposed to go.

The first guy says, "Why don't you go over and ask if we can play through?" The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back. The first guy says, "What's wrong?"

He says, "One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress."

The first guy says, "That could be a problem. I'll go over." He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too.

The second guy says, "What's wrong?"

The first guy says, "Small world!"

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Golf jokes