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Golf jokes

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After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home.
As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked,
"Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"
"Yes, I did.
How did you know?" he asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield.
The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck.
The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down.
So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...
"I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
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Sports Jokes Police Officer Jokes Golf jokes
Golfer: The doctor says I can't play golf.
Caddy: O! So, he too has played with you?
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Sports Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Golf jokes
Why isn't there golf in the Paralympics?
Because it would be really awkward asking what their handicap was.
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Golf jokes
Did you hear about the Mexican that got stabbed on a golf course?
I guess someone made a hole in Juan.
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Golf jokes
Расправа Chiste de cuando yo me muera Preguntas de matrimonio en cama Linkshänderin Τι θάκανες αν πέθαινα? Μετά από είκοσι χρόνια γάμου! Αν πεθάνω To αντρόγυνο Съпругата: - Какво ще правиш, ако умра? Ще се ожениш ли повторно? Муж с женой обедают и происходит у них вот такой разговор. A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" LEI: "Se morissi all'improvviso, ti risposeresti? " LUI: "Ma che dici, tesoro? Certo che no!" LEI: "No? Perché no? Non sei contento di essere sposato?" LUI: "Beh, si... che c'entra...!?" LEI: "C'entra! Tu voi dirmi che non ti risposeresti perché non apprezzi il matrimonio? E' così, vero? Tu... Lockeres Gespräch beim Abendessen. Sie: Wenn ich sterben sollte, würdest du wieder heiraten? Er: Natürlich nicht! Sie: Warum - magst du es nicht verheiratet zu sein? Er: Natürlich mag ich es. Sie: Warum würdest du also nicht mehr heiraten? Er: OK, ich würde wieder heiraten. Sie: Du würdest?... Uma mulher está em seu leito de morte, dando as últimas suspiradas, enquanto marido está ao lado e afagando as mãos carinhosamente diz: - Meu amor, quando você for embora vou ficar tão sozinho... - Aaaaii... Não. Não quero isso para você! Ai...... Un cancérologue et sa jeune femme étaient en train de discuter un soir pendant le dîner à propos de la mort d'un jeune patient. La femme en vient à demander à son mari si lui se remarierait dans le... Dans un cottage anglais, un vieux couple est assis près du feu. Le mari lit son journal pendant que sa femme boit le thé. - Darling ? - Hmmm ? - Darling, si jamais je venais à mourir,... Ein Ehepaar spielt Golf. Zwischen Loch 5 und Loch 6 fragt sie: "Wenn ich sterbe, wärst du sehr traurig?" "Ja sicher, mein Schatz!" Zwischen Loch 6 und Loch 7 fragt sie: "Und würdest du noch... La señora con el esposo: ¿Qué harías si me muriese? Te guardaría luto. ¿Durante mucho tiempo? ¡Muchísimo! ¿Por qué? Porque te quiero, y tu pérdida sería dolorosa para mí ¡Qué bonito!... Żona pyta męża: - Co byś zrobił, gdybym umarła? Ożeniłbyś się ponownie? - Napewno nie! - Dlaczego nie? Nie podoba Ci się małżeństwo? - Nie, no podoba mi się... - To dlaczego byś się znów nie... Amada esposa. Un matrimonio está en la cama y de repente la mujer le pregunta al marido: Cariño, ¿Qué harías si yo muriese? Pues, no sé, ¿Por qué? ¿Te volverías a casar? No, en absoluto. ¿Es... A feleség haldoklik. - Mondd drágám, ha meghalok fogsz új nőt keresni magadnak? - Lehet, szívem. - És lehet, hogy ide is költözik majd, ebbe a házba? - Elképzelhető. - És használni fogja majd az... Frun frågar sin man: - Skulle du gifta om dig när jag dör? - Ja, det kanske jag skulle, svarar mannen. - Jaha, svarar frun lite sorgset. Men skulle hon få sova i min säng ? - Jo, det är möjligt...... Dialogs starp vīru un sievu: Viņa: Ja es nomirtu, tu precētos ar citu? Viņš: Protams, ka nē mīļā... Viņa: Nē? Kapēc nē? Kā tu viens izdzīvotu? Viņš: Nu ja tev būtu vieglāk - varbūt arī precētos......
If I were to die first, would you remarry?" the wife asks.
"Well," says the husband, "I’m in good health, so why not?"
"Would she live in my house?"
"It’s all paid up, so yes."
"Would she drive my car?"
"It’s new, so yes."
"Would she use my golf clubs?"
"No. She’s left-handed."
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Golf jokes
How do you cover 18 holes with one hole?
Have your mom sit down on a golf course.
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Golf jokes
I like my women like I like my golf game
Around 80 and handicapped.
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Golf jokes
Some guy was yelling at me today, complaining about my driving, saying I shouldn't be allowed on the highway…
I'll play golf wherever I want!
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Golf jokes
I drove my daughter's hamster to the vet this morning.
I'm getting rather good at golf
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Golf jokes
I know my dentist loves golf, but I still hate his approach with that dental drill...
"Get in the hole!!!"
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Dentist Jokes Golf jokes
I like my women like I like my golf score
Mid eighties and with slight handicap.
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Golf jokes
Just got scammed out of $15. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money. Току що ме измамиха с 30 лева. Наскоро си поръчах DVD "Любимите 18 дупки на Тайгър Уудс", а те ми пратиха филм за някакъв голфър. Моля споделете, за да няма и други измамени
I was just scammed out of 25 dollars.
I purchased a dvd titled "Tiger Woods' favorite 18 holes." It turned out to be about golf. Tell others so that they can avoid this scam too!!
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Golf jokes
Jesus is the son of God.
God is the son of Chuck Norris.
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Marriage and Family Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Dad Jokes Golf jokes
What did the dentist say to the golfer?
"You have a hole in one."
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Dentist Jokes Golf jokes
Chuck Norris just completed a full round of Golf... In 17 shots.
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Chuck Norris Jokes Golf jokes
Why do golf commentators speak softly?
To not wake the audience.
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Golf jokes
They always asked me if I play basketball because I was tall.
They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini golf.
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Golf jokes
Husband has 6 months to live
Asks his wife, "Will you marry again?"
She says she supposes so, eventually.
"Will he sleep in our bed"?
She says of course he will.
"Will you let him use my golf clubs?"
"No, he couldn't use them. He's left handed."
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Golf jokes
Why do old people like golf?
Just like in their life, the goal is to get the least amount of strokes before you go in the hole
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Old People Jokes Golf jokes
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of вееr.
The barman refuses to serve him.
"Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Golf jokes
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