Good jokes - Page 2

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited:
“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”
“No way!”
“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”
Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at the place. A middle-aged lady opens and Fred eagerly asks her, “Hi! I’m sorry to bother you but there was a party at your house yesterday and my friend doesn’t believe that you have toilet bowls of pure gold!”
The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells into the inside of the house, “Roger, the pig that shiт in your trombone is here!”

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Two elephants meet a totally nакеd guy.
After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Good jokes

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman.
A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”

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Men vs Women Jokes Good jokes

I hate people who take drugs. DEA is the worst.

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Drug Jokes Good jokes

I proposed to my ex-wife.
But she said no. She believes I’m just after my money.

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Good jokes

Today, my son came to me and gave me a hug – out of the blue. I was very pleasantly surprised – that is, until I heard him tell his father, “You’re right. She did gain weight.”

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Parent Jokes Good jokes

Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It’s been a month now and she’s still not speaking to me!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Good jokes

"I wasn't that drunк yesterday. "
"Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Good jokes

Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach. At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.

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Good jokes

A couple goes to a restaurant and the wife excuses herself to go to the bathroom. In the meantime, the waiter approaches to take their order.
The husband says, “I’ll have a вееr.”
The waiter asks: “And what about your wife? Do you want a вееr for her?”
Man: “You know what, that’s a fair trade. Deal!”

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Waiter Jokes Good jokes Beer Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Police stops a man in his car.
Police: Sir, what’s in that bottle?
Man replies: Water.
Police: [sniffs] It smells like wine!
Man: Oh no, Jesus did it again!

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Police Officer Jokes Good jokes

Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: "Darling, why don’t you brew us some coffee?"
Wife looks confused: "But that's your task, honey."
“What? Why?”
"It’s all over the Bible, dearest."
The Bible says nothing about who’s supposed to be brewing coffee!"
The wife grabs hold of a copy and starts flipping pages at random: "See? Everywhere: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Good jokes Coffee Jokes

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception. His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Good jokes

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, “What was that?”
The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”
The girl slapped him soundly.
“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.
“Customer feedback.”

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School Jokes Good jokes

A guy goes to the doctor:
“Please help me doc. I have this horrible blinking in my right eye that I just can’t control.”
“Ah come on, it’s not so bad as you think.”
“Oh, you think?! Every time I go to the pharmacy to get some painkillers, they give me condoms!”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Good jokes

Some nice Chinese couple gave me a very good camera down by the Washington Monument.
I didn’t really understand what they were saying, but it was very nice of them.

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Good jokes

An ant is walking down the road. A соw comes along and splats him with a huge cowpat. Bam! The ant takes three hours digging itself out from underneath all that роор. When finally does, he shakes his fist:
Damn it, straight in the eye!”

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Good jokes

A Texan tourist stands under the Eiffel tower in Paris and looks upon it in awe.
“Amazing tower,” he comments to a French guy nearby, “how many barrels does it get out in a day?”

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Good jokes

A man goes to his doctor and says, “Please help me, doctor. I think my eyesight is really worsening.”
The doctor asks the man to come and look out of the window. “Tell me what you see there,” says the doctor and points.
"I see the Sun," answer the man.
The doctor turns to him and asks, “Sweet Jesus, how much further do you want to see?!”

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Good jokes

A man walks into a police station and announces, “My wife’s gone missing.”
The police officer says, “OK sir, we’ll help you. Since when has your wife been missing?”
The man replies, “Since about a month ago.”
The police officer is shocked, “What? A month?! Why on Earth are you coming only now?!”
“Well… I’ve no clothes to put on anymore.”

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Men jokes Good jokes