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Good jokes

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Two egotists started a fight. It was an I for an I.
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Good jokes
I know that I'm fат but I’d be really rich in Britain. There they measure their wealth in pounds.
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Were French fries originally made in France?
Nope, French fries have always been made in Greece!
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I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today. He said “Dream on.” I think that was really nice of him.
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Good jokes Boss Jokes
Velcros are just a big rip-off.
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Where do cows like to go in their spare time?
In the Muuuuuuseum.
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Your shiт is my daily bread.
Michael, 36, Sewage worker
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What do you call somebody who keeps abandoning their diet plans?
A desserter.
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Good jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
The guests in this hotel are always stealing soaps, shower gels and shampoos from their rooms.
Dirty ваsтаrds!
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Good jokes Hotel Jokes
Why do mathematicians tend to marry larger women?
Because they like curves.
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Good jokes Math Jokes
Robert Crinklethumbknut, international tongue-twister champion, made headlines when he got arrested. The rumor is, he’s getting a really tough sentence.
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Most people have 32 teeth. Some just have 8.
It’s simple метh.
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I dig, you dig, she dig, we dig, you dig…the poem may not be beautiful, but it's certainly very deep.
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Good jokes
I’ve seen this show about beavers last night – best dam documentary I’ve ever seen!”
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I ate 4 bowls of delicious alphabet soup. After that I had a massive vowel movement. What lies on the ocean bed and is twitching uncontrollably? A nervous wreck.
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Good jokes
I’m getting really claustrophobic in elevators. I’ve had to start taking steps to avoid it.
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How to catch a squirrel?
Go in a forest and act nuts.
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In theory, 747 shouldn’t ever crash, should it?
It should just go ‘Boeing’.
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Good jokes Aviation Jokes
"Papa, da sammelt einer für das neue Schwimmbad!" Ktoś puka do drzwi. Otwiera Jasiu: - Tato, przyszedł jakiś pan i mówi, że zbiera na osiedlowy basen. Mam mu coś dać? - Daj mu trzy wiadra wody. Un gars dit à son voisin : - Un conseiller municipal a fait du porte à porte ce matin. Il demandait si on voulait bien faire un don pour la construction de la piscine municipale. - Ah ? Tu lui as... Son: "Dad, there is someone at the door to collect donations for a community swimming pool." Father: "Okay, give him a glass of water." Papá, papá hay un señor en la puerta diciendome que está haciendo una colecta para una pileta de natación. - Está bien hijo, dale un vaso de agua. - Mamma, det er en mann på døra som samler inn til det nye svømmebassenget. - Så, gi han et glass vann, da. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. – I gave him a glass of water. A skót a kertben kaszálja a füvet, amikor kiszól neki a neje: - John, két úr van itt. A faluban épülő új uszodára gyűjtenek. Mit adjak nekik? - Két vödör vizet. A skót gyerek odaszalad az anyjához: - Anyu, az ajtóban áll egy bácsi! - És mit akar? - A most épülő uszodára gyűjt! - Adj neki két vödör vizet! "Jantje, er wordt gebeld. Doe je even open?" Jantje: "Ja pap!" Man aan de deur: "Hallo jongetje, ik kom collecteren voor een zwembad." "Vader, ze komen collecteren voor een zwembad!" Vader: "Geef... Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water... A Children’s Charity knocked on my door earlier today asking for a donation to help them build a swimming pool so I gave them a bucket of water. Ένας τύπος ήρθε στη πόρτα να μου ζητήσει δωρεά για τη δημοτική πισίνα και του έδωσα ένα ποτήρι νερό!
Daddy somebody’s at the door. He’s collecting for the district’s new indoor swimming pool.
Ok, give him a bucket of water then.
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If a wild pig kills you, does it mean you’ve been boared to death?
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