Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Q: Why did the kid throw the clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.

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Kids Jokes

A mom, dad and their two sons watch TV. The dad gives the mom a look, and they head upstairs. The two little boys wonder what they are doing and go upstairs to take a peek.
"Well," says the older boy, "remember this when mom gets on your case for suскing your thumb."

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Kids Jokes

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car.
He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.
The salesman had some time to кill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.
The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to кill one chicken.
"That''s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman. "How do they taste?"
"I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never caught one."

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Kids Jokes Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes

Three girls asked their mother if they could invite their boyfriends over for dinner.
Their mother told them to go upstairs to get ready and to call them. An hour later, when the girls were not downstairs yet, and the boyfriends had still not shown up, the mother went to check on the three girls. She went to the first girl's door and she was laughing. She didn't say anything and she went to the second girl's door. She was crying. She didn't say a word and she went to the third girl's door. The third girl wasn't saying anything. So the mother went back to the first girl's door.
"Why are you laughing?"
"It's so small it tickles!" She went to the second girl's door and asked her why she was crying.
"It's so big, I can't get it out!" She went to the third girl's door and asked her why she wasn't saying anything.
"Well," the third girl replied, "you've always told me not to talk with my mouth full!"

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Kids Jokes

A little boy brags to a little girl, "I have a big fire engine."
The girl responds, "So what? I have a fire engine, too."He says, "I have a toy tank."
She replies, "So what? I have a tank, too."
The young boy drops his pants and says, "I have a реnis!"
The little girl looks down her pants and runs home crying.The next day, the little girl sees the little boy, and he tells her, "You still don't have a реnis, and I do!" She replies, "My mom told me not to worry about it. She said that as long as I have what I have, I can get as many of those as I want."

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Kids Jokes

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. You can't trust dogs to watch your food. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac. Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time. School lunches stick to the wall. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.

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Kids Jokes School Jokes Dog jokes

One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.
"May I speak to your parents?"
"They're busy."
"Oh. Is anybody else there?"
"The police."
"Can I speak to them?"
"They're busy."
"Oh. Is anybody else there?"
"The firemen."
"Can I speak to them?"
"They're busy."
"So let me get this straight - your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they're all busy? What are they doing?"
"Looking for me."

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Kids Jokes

Why'd the boy eat his homework?
His teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

Q: Why did the mouse go to the party?
A: He heard they were playing Parcheesi!

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Kids Jokes

A teacher was having a tasting day where she would put candy in the kids' mouth and they would guess what it was. She went to the first little boy and put a Hershey's Kiss in his mouth.
"Can you guess what it is?"
"I don't know," said the boy.
"I'll give you a hint. It's something your daddy asks your mommy for every morning."
The girl next to the boy says "Don't eat it. It's a piece of аss."

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

Q: How did the telephone operator propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.

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Kids Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Technically and Reality?
One day, a little boy asks his father what the difference is between 'technically' and 'reality.'
"Son, I won't tell you the dictionary definition in fear that it will confuse you. But to help you out, I'll give you something to do. Go ask your mother if she will sleep with a вuм for $500,000 and ask your sister is she'll sleep with the garbageman for the same amount." So, the little boy goes up to his mom.
"Mommy, would you ever sleep with a вuм for $500,000?"
"You bet your аss I would!" exclaims the mother. So the little boy goes up to his sister's bedroom.
"Hey sis, would you sleep with the garbageman for $500,000?"
"I sure would!" exclaims his sister.
"Dad, Dad! Mom and sis both said they would. What does that mean?"
"Well, son," the father says. "Technically, we're millionares but in reality we live with a couple of dirтy whоrеs!"

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Kids Jokes

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"
"I just saw one of your garters!"
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the
assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"
"I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.
"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

Q: Why is six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven ate nine.

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Kids Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Math Jokes

The little boy looks up at the farmer and says, ''I don't know where you come from, but where I come from we put cream and sugar on our strawberries.

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Kids Jokes

A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?"
The mother replied, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."
The next baby walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" she replied,
"Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head."
The last baby walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY."
The mother replied, "Please be quiet, Refrigerator."

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Kids Jokes

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.
He said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you'll live to a nice ripe old age."
So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.
When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren
...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

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Kids Jokes Religion jokes Blue Collar Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut.

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

"Some plants," said the teacher, "have the prefix 'dog'. For instance, there is the dogrose, the dogwood, the dogviolet. Now name another plant prefixed by 'dog'."
"I can," shouted a blonde. "Collieflower!"

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Kids Jokes School Jokes Blonde Jokes

A snail is paints a big letter S on his car.
His friend the turtle ses him and asks why. The snail replies, "When people see me drive by, they can say, 'Look at the S-car-go!'"

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Kids Jokes