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Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.
Here is the exchange :
Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'
Citibank:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'
Citibank:
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
Citibank:
'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
Citibank:
'Excuse me?'
Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'
Citibank:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member:
'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'
Citibank:
'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member:
'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
Citibank:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member:
'Sure.' (Fax number was given)
After they get the fax :
Citibank:
'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'
Citibank:
'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member:
'Would you like her new billing address?'
Citibank:
'That might help...'
Family Member:
' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'
Citibank:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member:
'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'
You wondered why Citi is going broke and need the feds to bail them out!!
A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite one friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two.
One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The friend, happy to get anything free from a lawyer, eagerly agreed. When the time came, they spent a wonderful time, getting up early every morning and enjoying the great outdoors.
One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were picking raspberries and blueberries for their breakfast, they were approached by two huge bears--a male and a female.
The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.
Seeing this, the lawyer ran back to his Mercedes and raced for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his high-powered rifle and raced back to the berry area with the lawyer. All the while, he was plagued by visions of lawsuit from his friend's family. He just had to save his friend.
Luckily, the bears were still there. "He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male.
The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female.
"What did you do that for?!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other bear!"
"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would you believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?"
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One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass". The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can"t afford a thing to eat." So the layer said,
"Poor guy, come back to my house." The guys then said,
"But I have a wife and three kids." The lawyer told him to bring them along. When they were all in the car, the poor man said,
"Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you." The layer said,
"You"re going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall."
Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heatedexchange during a trial. The judge asked bothlawyers to approach the bench.
"Your Honor," said Bob, "I objected because mydistinguished colleague Bill was badgering thewitness. It is obvious he has never heard of theBill of Rights."
"Ruввish!" snapped Bill. "I happen to know them by heart."
Bob rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Do you now?Well, Bill, I have a hundred dollars that saysyou can't even tell me the first few words."
Bill smirked and accepted the challenge andbegan, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..."
"Dамn," Bob interrupted, fishing the money fromhis pocket, "I didn't think you'd know it."