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Lawyer Jokes

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A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty.
His оrgаn is so large it hurts her to have sеx.
After she has explained her problem to a lawyer, he tells her that he’ll file her petition.
‘Stuff that!’ says the woman.
‘Why can’t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit.’

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer.
During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions.
"Your Honor," replied the defendant, "that man represented me in a bitter divorce.
One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held.
The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get.
My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and "not to worry."
"I can't see why you'd punch a man for that," interrupted the judge.
"Wait, there's more...
When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side.
I asked why.
Then he said,
"Because everything's coming up Rose's."
"THAT'S when I hit him!"

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Men jokes Lawyer Jokes

Man to lawyer: ‘If I give you £500, will you answer two questions?’
Lawyer: ‘Absolutely.
What’s the other question?’

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Men jokes Lawyer Jokes

How is an earnest lawyer called?
An oxymoron.

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Lawyer Jokes

What’s a foot long, transparent and lies in the gutter.
A lawyer once the сrар’s been kicked out of him.

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Lawyer Jokes

A truck driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. He stopped to pick up the priest and give him a ride.
A ways down the road the driver saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He turned the truck to steer directly toward the lawyer. Then he remembered, "I have a priest in the truck. I can't run down this lawyer," and at the last second he swerved to miss the lawyer.
But he heard a thump outside anyway. He looked in his rear-view mirror but didn't see anything.
He turned to the priest and said,
"Sorry Father, I just missed that lawyer at the side of the road."
And the priest said,
"Don't worry son, I got him with my door."

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Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer:
"Judge, I wish to appeal my clientâs case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."
Judge:
"And what is the nature of the new evidence?"
Lawyer:
"Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."

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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

An attorney had just finished a consultation with an elderly, nearly blind widow, for which he charged her $100. The widow opened her purse and removed a $100 bill. When the lawyer accepted it, he noticed there was another 100 stuck to it. Immediately the lawyers keen legal mind realized he was faced with a vital ethical question: Should he tell his partner?

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Lawyer Jokes

A truck driver was driving down the highway when he saw an elderly priest at the side of the road. He stopped to give him a ride.

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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?
Only one if you run him through slowly!

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Lawyer Jokes

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"

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Money jokes Lawyer Jokes

A blonde, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a brunette, a redhead, a lawyer, a rabbi, a musician, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman an American, A Russian, an Iraqi, Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin, George W Bush, Osama Bin laden and Barack Obama walked into a bar.
The barman said,
"Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Priest Jokes Nurse jokes Lawyer Jokes

Someone overturned my port-a-роттy! So I pressed litigation, hiring lawyer

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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

When I got home from work E. T. was sitting on my roof. I called around for an answer — my lawyer found that someone had put alien on my property.

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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing?
Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity.
If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.

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Lawyer Jokes

After meeting with Chuck Norris' lawyer the UFC have changed their name from "Ultimate Fighting Championship" to simply "Fighting Championship."

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Sports Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Lawyer Jokes

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
Never enough.

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Lawyer Jokes

Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked,
"Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true." responded the lawyer. "And now someone is suing the fast food restaurants for making them fат and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries, is that true mister lawyer?
"Sure is Bubba. But why are you asking?"
"Cause what I wanna know is, I was thinkin', "can I sue Budweiser for all the ugly women I've slept with ?"

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