Marriage and Family Jokes

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Marriage and Family Jokes
Marriage and Family Jokes
Marriage and Family Jokes
At last i have taken the time to write down some man rules….. The guys side of the story.
We always hear ‘the rules’ from the female side now here are the rules from the male side
These are our rules! Please note. These are all numbered #1 on purpose!
1. Men are not mind readers.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. If you think you’re fат, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
1.. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1.. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear..
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. You have enough clothes.
1 .. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!
1.. Thank you for reading this. Yes, i know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight.. But did you know men really don’t mind that? it’s like camping…
All you henpecked men i dare you to share this. If you grow some ваlls while doing it… print out a copy and paste it on the bedroom door
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The Three Bears were about to enjoy breakfast together as usual when they were interrupted by a terrible ROAARR outside their humble cottage. Immediately, the door came crashing in and this huge ugly, fierce looking bear stood in their midst!
Without hesitation, the monster slurped up Papa Bear's porridge, then Mama Bear's, finally licking every morsel from Baby Bear's little bowl.
Suddenly, the intruder produced a pistol and fired several shots through the cottage roof! Where upon the furry animal walked calmly out the open door and disappeared into the forest.
WHAT WAS THAT? exclaimed Papa Bear.
I HAVE NO IDEA! said Mama Bear.
I Think it was a Koala Bear said Baby Bear.
Oh, no, Son, insisted Mama and Papa Bear. That was too big and fierce for a Koala bear. I'm pretty sure it WAS a Koala bear, said Baby Bear, walking over to the family library, and pulling down the bear history book.
Sure enough! Under the heading, KOALA BEAR it read. ....... Eats, shoots, and leaves.
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