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Marriage and Family Jokes

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My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

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Marriage and Family Jokes Funny Quotes

Beware of а new Amazon scam.
Му husband ordered mе some expensive jewelry, but motorcycle parts саmе instead.
Thankfully they fit his bike...

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Marriage and Family Jokes

I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...

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Marriage and Family Jokes Movie jokes

One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.
"Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks.
"Well, she replies,
"My boss and I played the lottery and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings."
A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
Where did you get that coat?" her husband asks.
She replies "My boss and I played the lottery and we won again, so I bought It with my share of the winnings."
Another week later, his wife comes home, driving a flaming red Ferrari....... You guessed it:
Her share of the lottery winnings....
That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while She gets undressed.
When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug.
"What the fuск is this?" she asks her husband.
"Well," he replies,
"We don't want to get your lottery ticket wet, do we??"

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Wife jokes Cheating Jokes Boss Jokes

Next time you’re in a fight with your wife, start undrеssing...She will instantly have a headache and fall asleep

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Wife jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately

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Marriage and Family Jokes

The son asks his dad, “Dad, what can I do if I want To live forever?”
Dad replies,
“All you have to do is marry.”
The son is surprised,
“And that will really make me live forever?”
Daddy replies wearily,
“No, but the wish dies.”

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Good jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

And here’s another lesson in good manners: Throwing the bouquet behind you to see who’s next?
Really poor taste at funerals.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

My wife said she’d leave me unless I stop playing constantly with the walkie-talkie, over.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Husband:
“Soon we will be married for 10 years. I will get you a nice new car for our anniversary.”
Wife:
“Oh darling. Nothing would please me more!”
And so the husband got her nothing for the anniversary.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

She:
"Honey, I don't like you with the new glasses on."
He:
"But sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses."
She:
"True, but I do."

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Marriage and Family Jokes

“I cuddle with my husband about two or three times a week.”
“Yeah? Me just once.”
“Oh, but wait, I thought you were single.”
“Ah I see. I thought we were talking about your husband.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

My new wife left me because of my huge insecurity problems.
Oh no, hang on, she’s back. She just went to the bathroom!

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Marriage and Family Jokes

A guy loses his job, all his money has gone, all hope is lost and he’s walking miserably towards the dole line, wondering if there’s anybody who could help him. Suddenly there’s thunder and lightning and a scary, blood-covered demon appears in front of him.
He walks over to the man and in a rasping voice whispers in his ear, “I have heard your pleas. I’m ready to give you a million bucks. But you have to agree to give me your wife.”
“OK,” says the guy, “now where’s the catch?”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

"If I’d known you were this poor, I’d never have married you."
"Don’t pretend I didn’t warn you! How many times did I tell you that you’re everything I have?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Do I have to remove the cheating husband before I throw the ring in the volcano?

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Two women chat:
Does your fiancé have a stutter?
Yes, but no worries. Once we’re married, I’ll be the one doing the talking.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Women have ovaries. Interestingly, they are the reason why they sometimes оvаry act.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Why don’t women propose?
Because when they kneel down, men get all the wrong ideas.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Women can be wonderfully satisfied with only 3.5 inches. No matter if it’s a Mastercard or a Visa.

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Marriage and Family Jokes